Day 224: Where Do You Start When Life is Overwhelming?

Ever have that “where do I start” feeling when you have too much to do and no discernible plan? Right now I am overwhelmed just by a quick mental review of all I need to get done and have simmering for the future. Unlike most people, rather than dig in and overachieve when I am facing a daunting list, I actually get daunted and duck back under the blankets to avoid. It’s rather ironic that as a person who is never afraid to face interpersonal conflict and confrontation, I am unable to face a damn “to do” list.

In all fairness, however, it’s not like I’m talking about a wash dishes, do the laundry, pick up dry cleaning list –though all those items are certainly on there as well. No, I have a writing job still to finish, my daily blog, a faltering freelance career to revive, temp jobs to do, application, essay and references to do for grad school and the GRE to study for. Plush, my husband just moved three hours away for work, my best friend dumped me and I’ve gained ten pounds and two new wrinkles. So yes, I’m a little daunted.

This time I know I cannot hide for long. I need to accept the losses I can’t change and work for the goals that are still attainable. Still, it’s a lot of work and a very diversified list. Where do I start except just to dig in and see if I can start to make a dent? With temp jobs, freelance and commuting with the husband I am going to have less time and now I’m taking on grad school to boot. How do normal people do it? I can’t imagine doing all this and taking care of kids, hell, I don’t even want to take care of myself. I didn’t even shower today until after 7pm and my dinner consisted of Cocoa Puffs.

Guess it’s put up or shut up time and while I am a little freaked out about all I have on my plate, I’m also kind of excited. It feels good to have irons in the fire after moving and living in a manner dictated by the husband’s job for the last two years. Now I am putting me first, but not in a selfish or self-pitying way. I am going to make my life better and while I know the road is going to be long, busy and kind of sucky it will also be MY road and I’m looking forward to that.