Day 126: "She-Bop" is Like my Personal Anthem

Masturbation: to stimulate one’s own genitals for sexual pleasure. This is the official definition of one of my favorite activities. While it may be the official meaning, popular opinion still defines it more like shameful, dirty, and aberrant behavior. Why this stigma about something that is so natural? On second thought, I should reword that to ask why female masturbatory practices are taboo when male self-love is joked about openly. Personally, I’m going conspiracy theory on this one and say that it all goes back to our Puritanical roots.

The best way to keep people in line is to make them believe sex is for procreation reasons only. I think we all know the historical role of sexual intercourse and its evolution, but masturbation is a whole other issue. If good girls don’t have sex, then they certainly can’t touch themselves. I’m not sure where this fear comes from, is it that society thinks a generation of women who puts into practice Cyndi Lauper’s infamous “She-bop” will suddenly become raging whores or that we will go the opposite way and not need or want male companionship at all? It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge teenage boys locking themselves in the bathroom for an hour, but we want to pretend that girls not only aren’t getting off, but that they haven’t even discovered they have a self-activated pleasure spot.

Why do we pretend girls don’t jack off and for that matter, why are so many of them actually not? If it feels good, you have the tools and it doesn’t hurt anyone, why wouldn’t you? Believe me, we all have the tools and it’s not going to hurt. They’re called fingers, or toys, or select vegetables, or even a spinning dryer in a pinch. You want to prevent your daughter from getting overwhelmed in the heat of the moment and giving into a boy when she’s not ready? Teach her about masturbating. She doesn’t need a boy to get off, save that for when she’s mature enough to handle it. For those of us that are old enough, it doesn’t mean that every time I want action I want a man. For one thing, my man’s out of the country, but even when he’s home we’re not always simpatico.

Without self-love, my life would be much lonelier and have much less pleasure. Let’s face it, men are human, but a Duracell lasts for hours. I don’t think it makes me a dirty girl because I not only do get myself off, but I talk freely about it, what makes me a dirty girl is . . . well that’s between me and the husband! The Puritans and their modern day conservative counterparts who fear my solo sex life, fear what I might discover. If women discover they are strong and independent and have the power to please themselves, then they might put down the lipgloss, stop bickering with each other over men and focus on fixing the world. Imagine the horrors of a world run by focused women who do not need men! What they’re missing, is that we all still need people for friendship, love, and yes, even sexual fulfillment. As much as I love my collection of inanimate friends, I still love and need my husband. I’m not about to start a revolution of masturbating feminists bent on world domination, but I’d be happy if women finally recognized their own capacity for vaginal domination.

At the very least, let’s bring it out of the shame closet and make it at least as acceptable as male behavior. I’m pretty sure we’re all aware that so-called “skin mags” have an ulterior purpose beyond showcasing the toned and plasticized bodies of women. Hustler isn’t intended to be a beach read, so let’s stop pretending that women don’t have the same thoughts or needs for physical release. Besides, a lot of women I know can tell you that even when they do rely solely on men for gratification there’s a lot of false happiness going on. So why not just agree to equal rights for self-loving and move on, no more taboo, no more unsatisfied women, and heck, it might even make your mutual sex life better.