Time is on my side sing the Rolling Stones in their 1964 hit. Is it really? When have you ever thought that time was on your side? I often find that I have too much time or too little time, but never that it’s on my side. I am much concerned with this idea lately. Yesterday I wrote about feeling my age and the effect the passing of the years is having on my body. Today, I caught myself singing that little Stones ditty and just yesterday I mentioned to a friend that I am no longer just trying to get into shape, I am trying to get into the shape I was in five years ago so that I can then begin to get into shape. No, time is definitely not on my side, though a few extra pounds might be.
Five years ago thought I was fat. I distinctly remember getting on the scale and groaning at the number that looked back at me. I told my husband, then my new boyfriend that I hated my fat legs because of the way they rubbed together. At this he told me to stand up with my feet and knees pressed together and we both peered down at the distinct gap between my inner thighs. So they didn’t actually touch and I was needlessly obsessing over my weight, but they touch now and the scale tells me I am five pounds heavier today than I was that day.
This realization serves to remind me of the futility of working out and dieting. I have been trying to get in shape since I was a teenager and yet each year I am a pound or two heavier so that now, I’m not even trying to get into shape anymore, I’m just trying to get back what I lost. Time is slipping by while I avert my gaze from the truth looking back at me, I might one day attain my physical goal, but I will never be that girl again. Time is a lot of things, but it’s more like a kick in my ass then a reassuring sidekick.
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