Day 132: Does Listening Mean I Should be Quiet?

I give a lot of advice. Well, no one has ever told me that I give too much advice, but I tend to find myself wondering if I talk too much and listen too little. Maybe I don’t know how to listen. Is it possible to just sit and hear someone out without saying anything in return other than “really?” “wow” and “I’m sorry.” I can’t do it, though I do try, but somehow it just feels like a discussion is warranted or an outside opinion to give a little perspective. I’m not always the best judge of my own behavior, so after a year of what seems like an inordinate number of serious discussions and confidences being divulged, I find myself wondering if I’m making the grade.

On one hand, I feel like people wouldn’t keep confiding in me if I were such a bad listener, but I do know I talk a lot so I worry. A friend told me that he talks to me when he needs my no-nonsense point of view. I’m like the Dr. Phil of my friends minus the ultra-conservative politics and stupid expressions involving animals and hunting. I am pretty common sense in terms of advice and I am able to see things both from an objective and subjective point of view. Unfortunately, I don’t always make the right decisions in my own life despite seeing the big picture. With friends, however, I think I’m able to give my opinion as such and not simply tell someone they are wrong – unless that’s what they need to hear from me.

That does sometimes happen. A friend might want me to be brutally honest and I think in those instances it works. The fear that I have is that in a moment of revelation a friend will need me to just listen and I won’t know how to do that. I care deeply about my friends and I want them to know they can confide in me. Sometimes, however, my own desire to have someone give me advice or flat out tell me what to do, infringes on my ability to just listen. So take this as a warning, if you need to talk or to vent I am here, but if you don’t want my take or counsel then tell me to shut up at the start. I’ll try to hear that request, but I can’t promise it will take the first time.