Day 171: If we Keep Losing, Why do we Keep Trying?

Do you ever stop to think about how much loss we all suffer throughout the course of our lives? I’ve lost several romantic relationships, two friendships – one I deserved to lose because I was a bitter and selfish friend, while she always supported me and the other I lost because we couldn’t recover from the fact that we are very different people. I’ve also lost people close to me due to death. My Mother died nine years ago and all of my grandparents are gone except for my Grams, who will likely outlive us all. I’ve lost a couple of pets, most recently my cat Jeremy, who I had for almost 15 years and I still dream about, like a hug from my subconscious. I’ve lost jobs I wanted to keep, articles of clothing that just disappeared, geographical places I was lucky enough to call home and then had to leave. We lose competitions, bets, awards, and debates. So I ask you, do we lose more than we win?

How many wins have you had? If we do lose more than we win or even if we just lose a lot, what keeps us going, knowing how much loss there is yet waiting on us? There will always be death, there will always be sickness, there will always be relationships that fade or do not work out; loss is all around us. It is the one thing you can absolutely count on to continue, whereas the wins, maybe not so much. People do not have to give birth or may be sterile, but they will die. You may not get your raise, win that football game, the award for which you are nominated or the Pulitzer, but you’ll definitely suffer setbacks. No one’s life is golden forever and yet for the most part we’re pretty optimistic as a people. We keep struggling through despite numerous attempts at love that fail, family members and friends that die, jobs that don’t work out. It’s easier to gain weight than to lose it – that’s a reverse loss – in that case it’s like golf, you want the lower score. I don’t know where the optimism comes from.

The world is an incredibly ugly place if you look at it too closely. Death, suffering, racism, sexism, torture, genocide, rape, murder, betrayal, extreme poverty, starvation – these things are happening in this big, beautiful, blue-green world right now. At the same moment that you’re lifting your face to catch the breeze, closing your eyes to better hear the leaves in the trees rustle ever so gently as the wind moves through and you smell the clean, ripe greenness of spring or the heady, salty summer scent, at that same moment someone else is suffering. Yes, I see the beauty; I am hypnotized by the world’s beauty. I love the breeze, the ocean, the sharp, icy sting of winter’s breath. I also recognize that at the same moment I am enjoying it, someone else is at war, someone’s family is being slaughtered; someone’s father, or brother, or mother is being viciously attacked just because of their sexual orientation or their race.

There is a lot of negative in the world, a lot of pain. Yet we get up every day thinking this is the day things will get better, this is the day things will turn around or if things are going well for you, you get up and think things will continue to go well. We don’t see the bad coming, we don’t look for it or expect it, so it’s always a surprise when the layoff comes, the illness sidelines us or the accident rips a hole in our life, creating a void so deep we don’t know how to fill it.

Maybe loss isn’t the only guarantee. No matter how bad the hurt and loss is, the other guarantee is that you will get up the next morning. You will get up; you will face the world; you will keep breathing in and out and you will go about you business knowing that the pain will fade eventually if you can just live through it long enough. Maybe our optimistic spirit is the only true guarantee, the fact that we keep fighting, even against what seem to be insurmountable odds. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how many friends or how many toys, you will die. You will lose the ultimate fight. Still, we get up each day with as much of a smile as we can muster. That is amazing. I think I was wrong, it’s not loss that is eternal, the human spirit is the one thing that’s a guarantee. So keep fighting, there’s happiness yet.