Day 209: True Connection is Found in the Strangest of Places

There is nothing quite like being trapped in a moving car with someone to give you an opportunity to really talk. I’ve had lots of fights in cars, a few sing-a-longs and one or two conversations of emotional depth. Such discussions always surprise me, both in terms of the genesis and the breadth. Today, the husband and I took a road trip home that should have taken around nine hours and ended at the 12 hour mark. There is lots of time to talk during a 12 hour drive, but really we don’t. We sleep, listen to music or talk radio, read or just sit in comfortable silence. There is chatter, of course, but not always true discussion as happened today and certainly not always one that leads to a breakthrough of sorts.
On some level I suppose it is interesting in and of itself that after five plus years we still have areas where emotional or relationship-based epiphanies are still possible. On the other hand, we are both people that have our private sides. Sure we share an enormous amount and know one another intimately, but I like still being occasionally surprised by him and I believe that knowing someone too well can actually be detrimental to your relationship. It’s nice to still have a little bit of mystery and it certainly does not hurt romantically. I know my husband exceedingly well, but he has a private side and a part of himself that is reserved even from me and I think that is good.
Today we just came a little bit closer to understanding how his more white and black views of the world and how he lives his life fits with my shades of gray. He sees certain things as “shortcuts” while I see them as simply creating a new option. This is where compromise and understanding is necessary. We do not need to think alike, but we need to have the ability to comprehend where each other’s motivations come from. I think it is perfectly okay to have different responses to the same situation, but if you cannot accept or understand the emotional or intellectual place from which those decisions are made, then you’re going to have a problem.
The husband and I do view a few key issues in very different ways, but our love for one another has always compensated for what is perhaps a lack of true understanding. Today, however, I think maybe all those hours trapped in a car gave us the ability to truly focus in and confront those things that might be holding us a back a bit. There is no lack of love and that has never been a question, but I think there is a window during which time couples are able to ignore certain differences in belief systems before they become critical. We’re good with most things and we never actually fight (a sure surprise to anyone who knows me), but those secrets and private sides of ourselves do not always correlate. It was a nice turn of events to suddenly have what otherwise might be uncomfortable work itself out. I guess sometimes sheer boredom and way too much together time equals productivity. We were pretty good before, but it just keeps getting better and that’s a fantastic place to be.