Day 241: Are You on a Celeb's Top Five List?

A lighter blog for today to give the self-reflection, doubts, angst, etc. a break.

So let’s talk about sex, specifically the Top Five list we normal humans make ranking our top five celebs we’d get a free pass to bang. For anyone who is living in a cave or got married at 18 and cannot fathom casual sex, the list is meant to excuse you from the repercussions of cheating by your partner by allowing you to have relations with anyone on your list of five. The chances of this actually happening go up if you live in big cities or cool vacation towns where your celeb crush might actually travel. So, if we get to have our list, what do the celebs have, a list of normals they’d like to bang?

It’s an interesting question for me to ponder, because I have too much time on my hands and like to think about stupid shit on an in-depth level. So this is what I’m on today and it is amusing me to no end. If you are a celebrity and routinely meet and have sex with other celebrities, then you couldn’t really have a Top Five list. Not because you wouldn’t have celebs that you haven’t hooked up with and still want to, but because you will likely run into them. No one wants to tell their spouse or partner sure, choose five random people you routinely see and I’ll let you bang them consequence free. I tried that with Jeff once, suggesting that we just make a list of hot neighbors, but he didn’t go for it and I’m guessing the celeb couples wouldn’t either.

So, that means that either they are doomed to a life of monogamous imprisonment without possibility of parole, or their list is made up of non-celebs. Just imagine, Brangelina having lists that include statements like: “should I happen to have a grocery bagger named Gil/Jill” or “if the yoga/spin instructor has brown hair on a Tuesday” I am permitted to sleep with him/her. A Top Five is usually referred to as a joke, but it adds a bit of mystery and excitement and also, I’m planning to hold the husband firm to his committed acceptance of the list. I keep telling him to revamp his (it’s been since Britney Spears was a viable option . . . shudder) because the list is no joke to me. Should I run into Matthew McConaughey-hey, The Rock, Taye Diggs, Selma Hayek, or Robert Downey Jr. and I’m able to get them drunk enough to want to sleep with me, it’s game on and the husband had fair warning. I just wish I could get on one of their “Normal People Top Fives.”