Day 243:If Hollywood has a Worst Films List, My Husband Will Want to Watch

I love my husband. Jeff has many positive attributes, choosing movies however, is not one of them. This weekend we are in Fayetteville, NC, on base at Ft. Bragg where he lives during the week. Snowed in for the most part and without good cable we decided to rent movies and once again my brilliant, handsome and intelligent husband chose the worst possible film. What is it about otherwise smart people that makes them somehow incapable of completing small tasks that others with half their intelligence seem to have no difficulty with? Whatever it is, the husband is devoid of that particular talent and recently I have fallen victim.

The list of awful movies picked out by Jeff is long, but some of the more memorably awful ones include “GI Joe” (tonight), “Transformers II,” “Jumper,” “21” and the inexcusably horrible “The Happening.” This last offering by M. Night whatever the fuck was so bad that I actually spent a good portion of the movie sitting in the hallway playing video games on Jeff’s phone. I joked that the mystery that was killing everyone in the movie was the fact that they had seen the movie, because after an hour watching it I wanted very much to slit my wrists, stab myself in the throat with a pencil or run myself over with a lawnmower.

“The Happening” might have been the worst but it is only a blip on the six years of bad movies Jeff has subjected me to. Given the choice of legitimately funny movies like “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “The Hangover,” or “Pineapple Express” we’ll end up watching “The Hulk.” He’s a smart guy, I really don’t get it, but I do know that I suffer from his poor decision making . . . repeatedly. I’m not expecting us to always have the same taste, I just want him to not have such consistently bad taste. Though I suppose if he’s going to have a bad habit, this one isn’t the absolute worst. I just wish I did not consistently get sucked down with him. In case you’re wondering “G.I. Joe” is every bit as bad as you thought it might be and it feels much longer than it’s already interminable two hours and fifteen minutes run time.