Day 205: Need vs. Want

Tonight I asked the husband to write my blog for me. Hey, I was still going to type it up, I just wanted him to come up with the topic and dictate it to me. I swear some days my head just feels empty and on those days I need him to be the brain for both of us. Which is how I came to tonight’s blog topic. How much do we lean on our partner and at what point have you passed a mutually supportive relationship and entered one that has an unhealthy bias one way or the other? For that matter, if this is what is “normal” for you, would you even be able to realize there is an issue?

I think Jeff and I complement each other very well. He is brilliant, but I’m not too shabby myself in the smarts department so that’s compatible. The areas where we need more balance are our emotional and pragmatic sides. I am all emotion, in fact, I often compare myself to exposed nerves all raw and overly-sensitive. I act and react equally from an emotional place and while those instincts have served me well in many respects, sometimes my inability to control my emotional responses has gotten me into trouble. Jeff is more reserved and harder to reach in a way, it sometimes feels like my emotional depth rubs off a bit or at least draws him out when he otherwise would pull back.

The rational side is all him, however, and I lean on that a lot. Someone’s got to keep some sense of normalcy and home when I’m railing against the world or having some sort of emotional breakdown over the state of orphaned kittens. We balance one another and I think this is how a relationship is meant to work. I’ve been involved with my emotional counterpart and it’s all fireworks and no firefighting. Maybe this is why people always say opposites attract. I don’t know that they naturally attract, but I do believe that we each possess a certain self-preservation instinct that instinctively helps us recognize what we need in our lives. Still, it’s hard sometimes. There are days when I crave all fireworks and craziness, just as I know Jeff would love a day or two when I focus on things in a pragmatic and logical way, rather than going by my gut.

This is why relationships are hard work. We often want to indulge our natural senses, but that doesn’t mean it is what is best for us. How could two emotionally detached people live together without simply losing sight of their love altogether? Likewise, if it’s all passion and protest rallies, who pays the bills and makes sure someone has a steady paycheck? Like anything that works, relationships are about balance and sometimes putting your needs above your wants. Though, without a few irrational indulgences life would be boring. Sure, I need winter shoes with flat soles and practical water resistant material, but I’m going to buy the open-toed, ruffle front, cut out stilettos. Sometimes you need to surrender to your wants before you can see clear to what it is you actually need.