Day 218: Without Convention, Would I Choose to Give Up My Private Space?

Is there such a thing as too much together time? I don’t really get tired of my husband. He is an incredibly interesting person, he’s funny, sarcastic, pretty good to look at and well, there’s the fact that I love him. So maybe we don’t have an issue with being together 24/7, which means I am going to have a hard time adjusting to his living three hours away Monday-Friday. I think the problem is that I am a selfish partner. I want him here when I want him and away when I’m just a bit tired of not being alone. Living in a separate place however is way different than “hey, don’t you have some errands that will get you out of my face for 20-30 minutes?” Can a relationship survive when your personal lives become separate lives?

Society has an acceptable model for how relationships, and marriages in particular, are supposed to work. The two household possibility is not in that scenario. So how do I know it will work with us? I guess I don’t really, but I am hoping that the reality of our mutual love and respect will carry over despite not cohabitating. So much of our lives are based on what we believe we are intended to do or the way in which others view aspects of daily life. If marriage didn’t exist would you feel like your relationship was missing something without it? No, it is a societal and religious convention and most of us do it because once you fall in love we believe it is the thing to do. (Well, that’s not really why I did it, but for the sake of my point let’s go with it)

My goal for this next 18 months is to learn to be a full-time partner, but only a part-time cohabitating couple. The best-case scenario for me, as someone who is always looking to give convention the bird, is to maybe discover something that can actually help my relationship. Maybe living with someone is actually not the best way to go. I mean, I don’t necessarily get tired of him, but there are days when I wish we had a bigger house or maybe closet that he could hang out in for a while. Whoever dictated that we’re supposed to be best friends and spend every day together and blah, blah, blah? Let’s start doing what works for us and while I would not choose to live apart, because let’s face it I’m needy and there is no way I’m driving three hours when I have a headache and want him to make me feel better. On the other hand, this might be just what I need to rediscover the parts of myself I’ve forgotten or lost track of in the merging of our lives. Either way, it’s an exciting new challenge and I’m up for it.