Day 256: Couple's Communication or Lack Thereof

My husband has the innate ability to fall dead asleep ten seconds after his head hits the pillow. This magical moment happens in the middle of my sentence, his sentence or a natural disaster. I, on the other hand, am a long-time sufferer of insomnia. Our sleep habits are not exactly simpatico which means if I have something to say I damn well better spit it out before he approaches the bed. Couples learn to communicate in their own specific ways over time, learning one another’s habits and pet peeves and the best time to have the serious discussions. I am a talker, Jeff is a . . . I don’t actually know what he is, but he’s pretty fantastic so I guess that’s okay. Considering how different we all are, it’s a miracle any of us learn to tolerate others in our personal space day after day. So how do we do it?

I would be lying if I claimed Jeff’s sleeping habits didn’t annoy me. They annoy me because hours after he is dead to the world I remain awake reading, surfing the internet or just tossing and turning. It also irritates me because this is the time I most want to talk. All the hectic parts of the day are over and we have these quiet moments to just reconnect, recognize one another annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn……….. oh sorry, I dozed off there for a minute. Sadly, I’m joking.

I couldn’t doze off right now if you offered me vast quantities of cash. I’m plenty tired and it’s after midnight, but my mind and body seem to need at least two hours of being in bed before they can switch off. So this means the husband and I are perpetually out of sync. He’s asleep before I get a chance to talk to him and I’m asleep when he wakes in the morning ready to chat my ear off. How is it possible for couples to find a solution to basic problems of communication when we’re not even conscious at the same time?

I guess it’s just human nature to seek out those with whom we are able to build a closeness that doesn’t always require verbal communication. As much as I want to talk to Jeff at night, I know I don’t stand a chance, just as he knows it’s going to annoy me. We have our own unique way of getting all the information out and heard and while it’s not always on either of our desired timelines, it does the trick obviously, because we’re happy and we work as a couple.

Still, there are those nights that I get so frustrated that I’ll punch his arm until he’s awake then pretend it wasn’t me. I’m not being selfish, I just know that as a caring person he would want to be awake with me when I’m miserable and unable to sleep. He’s just that kind of guy. Actually, who am I kidding, I could be on fire and if he hits that bed it’s too bad for me. Luckily for us both, I love him anyway and besides, I’ve got all those other voices in my head to talk to.