Day 176: Forget Me Not

Lately, I seem more forgetful than usual. Actually, that is not completely true, I am forgetful about one specific thing, my blog. A major change in my life occurred lately, my year-long experiment of living alone ended when the husband returned from Iraq. The last few days I have been busier and more emotionally occupied than I have been in months, yet after 174 days it should be a bit more difficult to forget. Is it possible that my blog is simply a substitute for boredom and now that I am busy I don’t need it? Is this how we all are, subbing one activity for another until our preferred way to amuse or satisfy ourselves is available? Are we this shallow?

Perhaps it is more complex than it seems. I started the blog to find myself, to expose the truth of myself to myself in a no pulled punches way. Every day, if just for 15 minutes, I force myself to acknowledge what I am feeling about myself, life, politics, or current events. In a way, it’s a type of meditation in which my focus turns inward and illuminates that which I may not even know I am feeling. Some days it feels a bit like giving birth, a gut-wrenching and exhaustive process to endure. Other days, I am fired up and the words pour onto the page almost faster than I can type them.

Every now and again it is just nice to have something to break up the routine. My blog lives on, but for now it feels good to stop being so self-obsessed and to focus on someone else and something new. Life is full of change, that is something we learn to adapt to in order to survive. Remaining consistent to something, be it your job, your hobby, your exercise or your diet is always a bit of a challenge. I guess how you meet that challenge says something about who you are. For me, the blog is a commitment to myself as much as to anything else and while I know they’re not always interesting or exceptionally well-written, I am being true to my original intent. Distractions do not have to be bad things as long as you know how to balance. I am learning how to do that at the same time I am exploring myself via my writing and self-analysis. I don’t think it will ever happen that I will just lose interest or forget to continue blogging, but it is nice to know that I am not so narcissistic that I can’t still forget myself, however briefly.