Recently, I caught a rerun of Sex in the City and it struck a chord with me. We go through our lives basically bouncing from one gift giving occasion to the next and those of us not keen on big weddings and large families kinda get screwed. Add to that the unplanned expenses like pet bills, car breakdowns, sudden illnesses and a myriad of other cash depleting events and your savings becomes your outbox. Bills are an expected part of our financial landscape, even the ones that you don’t see coming, but no matter how you might try to cut back on expenses, we are all still expected to join the gift-givers for every conceivable occasion.
When did gifts stop being gifts and start being obligations? Personally, I have always loved to give people gifts. I’m genuinely one of those people that like shopping for someone else and hoping that maybe my gift will put a smile on their face or at least let them know I made an effort instead of taking the easy road. Lately, however, with our household income down to one and the economy in the toilet, it seems like every week there is something or someone needing more. And we don’t just give gifts to celebrate a single occasion. There is the congratulatory announcement gift, the party to celebrate the upcoming event, then the event itself. If we’re talking about a baby, forget it. The entire first year is one gift giving occasion after another.
So what do you do if you don’t have the money, the time or simply the will? I barely have the energy to get through Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and in-laws birthdays let alone all the friends, their kids, etc. I don’t think I’m so horrible because I’m running out of the will to spend all my money and free time shopping for gifts, maybe I’m just feeling the burden our parents felt and I’ve been hiding from. You have national holidays, birthdays and everything in between and I’m just done. Also, why should I get you an engagement gift, shower gift, and a wedding gift. Is getting engaged or married such an accomplishment that you need to be rewarded . . . thrice? It’s not hard to get married, hell I did it, so it can’t be that miraculous.
Maybe I’m just becoming a little Grinch-like or maybe I’m simply tired of the message of gifts going so far the other way from their original intention. When did gift giving become a necessity and one for which we are judged. If you don’t spend enough, shop at the right store or deliver in a timely fashion you have somehow failed gift-giving etiquette. To this I would reply that if it is truly giving, there should not be a set of rules, it should be a personal decision based on desire and not preconceived standards.
I do still love to give gifts, but only when they are really gifts. I’m better at spontaneously picking out something that reminds me of a friend or loved one rather than shopping for a purpose. We all like to receive gifts and they can be fun, but if I’m buying your vast collection of children gifts it’s because I adore them and not simply because you popped them out. As the episode of Sex in the City pointed out, maybe those of us without children or who do not get married deserve gifts. The singletons are one less divorce waiting to happen, the childless are one less couple overpopulating our already overburdened school system. Either way, I just want a little breathing room. I won’t ask you to stop getting married or having children, but man, I’m spending more money on gifts than rent and that’s a steep price to pay.
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