Day 305: It Doesn't Really Seem Like a "Good" Friday

“And a Good Friday to you.” “Happy Good Friday.” “It’s a Good Friday to all.” These are a few of the status updates of my Facebook friends today. I admit that when I read the first one I sort of shrugged and thought, well okay, I hope it’s a good Friday, before realizing the implied meaning. Yes, today is Good Friday, the day Catholics and a few other Western religions celebrate in honor of the day they believe Jesus was crucified. I am not, at least in this blog, debate my personal belief on Jesus, instead I’d like to focus on some of the traditions in various cultures.

One repeating tradition I’ve seen in country after country is the reenactment of the crucifixion itself. Why anyone would want to reenact something so horrific is beyond me. People gather and watch this happen en masse like a sporting event. It’s garish and morbid to me. I understand wanting to acknowledge an event so cruel and inhumane, but to actually reenact it? Can you imagine reenacting the death of your own loved one, especially if they were murdered? This is a strange way to pay tribute in my opinion. In villages in the Philippines, they go so far as to actually nail a person to a cross. I’m beginning to remember why religion does not appeal to me.

Another interesting tradition in Spain involves the donning of white robes and hoods eerily similar to those worn by the Klu Klux Klan in the states. The photos of white hooded men marching while holding large wooden crucifixes made me extremely uncomfortable due to our own violent past with such props. The hoods are meant to hide those penitent people too shamed by the crucifixion to show their faces. It makes me wonder how this same action came to be adopted by the KKK. This is yet another corruption of religious practices. Take something intended to show respect and penitence and turn it into a ritual for murder and terror and call yourself religious.

I also don’t understand why we call it “Good” Friday. What’s so good about it? Wasn’t Jesus supposed to have been murdered on this day? Sounds like a pretty lousy Friday to me. I suppose maybe it’s intended to reflect that the crucifixion killed the ultimate in goodness? That’s sort of lame. I could research it, but I don’t really care all that much. I think it’s stupid and I’m happy staying with that. This isn’t a damn thesis, it’s my blog.

How a crucifixion spawned a holiday, lent, , and the name “Good” is beyond me, but how Easter bunnies, eggs and chocolate got in the mix is sheer absurdity. I’m not ever going to knock a day devoted to eating and chocolate – I’m not crazy—but it does seem way outside of reason. One day I’d be interested in tracing the connection between these things, but tonight’s not it. I’m never going to completely understand the seemingly convoluted path religion has taken, but I’m all for chocolate, performance art, and “good” Fridays, just maybe not the bloody history that goes with it.

Day 304: Find Your Joy

Have you ever forgotten what you love? Life gets complicated and busy and we rush from task to task and planned “recreational activity. We think we’re living life to its fullest, but sometimes what we are doing for fun isn’t actually what we love.  I don’t know how it happens, and it’s not like we forget, we just sort of lose sight of how much we love something. Until, that is, we find it again and that glorious feeling of rediscovery and joy washes over us almost as if we’ve found it for the first time.

It doesn’t matter what it is. We all have different passions, but whatever yours is, I’m willing to bet you don’t get to enjoy it enough. How is it that we can love something and get so much happiness from simply experiencing it and yet we don’t make it a priority? If love is supposed to be the most important thing of all, why do we only consider that to be an emotion we reserve for people? Would we not all be more fulfilled if we made time to enjoy those acts that bring us the most happiness? Furthermore, can we even be completely happy if we devote all our time to our loved ones and ignore the experiences we love?

I know this blog doesn’t make much sense, which is fitting because either does joy, really. Think about it. Why does one thing make you happy and another doesn’t? Why do you love one person over another? Love is an enigma and it doesn’t matter if it’s a person or a hobby we’re talking about. What does matter is that you do it. Fight for your love, pursue it, envelope yourself in it, and ride it out as long as you can. Allow yourself to feel joy, be giddy, be childlike, be enthusiastic, because life is shorter than you think. 

Day 303: Guess What You Don't Know You Missed

Today marks the closing of another Women’s History Month. Did you even know March is WH month? You wouldn’t be alone if you failed to realize it. Gone are the events celebrating suffrage, the movie marathon of “chick flicks” is nowhere to be seen and I have seen zero tributes online or in print. This must mean that equality is ours! Sexism is over! The double standard has judged its last “whore”! Oh no wait, it just means that we’re lazy and so busy protesting political minutia to support the accomplishments of the past.

Last month wasn’t much different. I think I saw maybe two mentions in all of February reflecting on the importance of Black History Month. I’m pretty sure we have not won the battle against racism yet, so what gives? Are these types of holidays only celebrated by grade school kids and the fringe these days? Or maybe this is some sort of conspiracy by white and latino men to rid the nation of these holidays or else demand for a “White Dude and Latino Amigo Month.” They’re just bitter and jealous clearly, and so they are depriving us of our rights to acknowledge the accomplishments and hard-won semi, sorta equality we now have.

I realize things have changed dramatically for the better. For one thing, I am allowed to wear my beloved trousers and not a skirt whenever I feel like it. Black men and women have the privilege to sit anywhere they want at Applebee’s or even the Olive Garden . . . though I’m not quite sure that’s a plus. Despite the improvements we’ve made, we still have a way to go in our society and globally before we’re actually all free and equal. Women’s and black history months might not serve the same purpose as was originally intended, but that does not mean they aren’t needed.

We need these reminders if for no other reason than to make us grateful for the progress made and tireless protestors and advocates that made it possible for us to be able to forget. If they had not come before us and fought against what must have seemed like insurmountable odds and opposition, we would be faced with our lack of freedoms every day. Instead, we don’t have to think about it. I am grateful and honored to be able to forget what those before me never imagined possible. Thank you Margaret Sanger and N.O.W and all those brave women who made our lack of appreciation and trouser wearing possible. If not for you, we’d never not know what we’re missing . . . or something like that.

Day 302: Hey Dickshit, Look Around, and Try to Care!

People are wasteful, selfish assholes and it’s pissing me off. In a world where poverty, starvation, and homelessness, still exist, not to mention the decimation of our country’s education and arts funding, it is reprehensible to me that people with money think nothing about throwing it away. What am I ranting about, you ask? Well, there are countless examples of the kind of waste that I am talking about, but today’s example is the President of Texas Motor Speedway who offered to pay a local DJ one hundred thousand dollars to change his name to that of the speedway and to get a tattoo.

I get that a business needs to spend money to promote said business, but at some point shouldn’t we, as the consumer, hold these jackholes accountable? People think it’s funny and kitschy, but really it’s just so very unethical in a “friend of the world” kind of way. We all have a responsibility to try to give back, both to the Earth and to humanity, and maybe it’s unfair that a larger part of that burden should fall on those with more influence and assets, but so what? I believe we should all do what we can and I am the first to admit that I’m not up to my own standards when it comes to volunteering my time. Money is easier and I do that, but time is where I’m selfish.

Since monetary donations are so easy when you have it, then there really isn’t a good excuse for why those with money to burn on shit like changing your name, getting a boob job for a bet (a dude, not a woman), or spending tens of thousands of dollars for your kid’s birthday party or bat/bar mitzvah shouldn’t do more. I know it’s depressing. We need entertainment and frivolity if for no other reason than to break up the monotony of bad news. The economy still sucks, unemployment is up, the housing market is still not great and our asses aren’t getting any smaller. Life isn’t always golden and we have daily reminders of the bad, so a little fun is necessary, but at what price?

How do we justify elaborate awards ceremonies or PR stunts with so many real causes and charities that are desperate for money? Your children’s educations are suffering because their schools are out of money. They aren’t getting the music or arts educations that are so critical to rounded development. Libraries are shutting down or unable to order new books. Teachers are being laid off and classrooms condensed. When we have a nation of stupid in 20 years, don’t act surprised. Until we make our voices heard and prioritize charity over whimsy, it’s not going to get better. We’re getting dumber and the results speak for themselves.

Day 301: Getting in the Game

I watched Raquel Welch on Oprah today. I know, I know, I watched Oprah. Sue me. Anyway, The 69-year-old Ms. Welch looks better than most of us ever did at 25 and while she admits it takes three hours for her to look that good, she also said that as we age women either give up or get in the game. Is that what happens? Do we just give up at a certain point, deciding that this is the body we’re stuck with, the limp hair we were born with and the face we can’t get rid of? I don’t want to give up, but I also cringe at the thought of spending three hours to get ready whenever I leave my house.

It’s true that Ms. Welch was born a bombshell and nothing short of a bomb actually detonating on her face will make her less than gorgeous at any age, but still, there’s a lesson in there for the rest of us. How many times do you hear that your teen years are the best of your life or that it’s “all downhill from here.” The “here” being any time after you hit 35. Well I don’t want to be old, but I know I can’t stay young.

Each day we have an opportunity, a chance to remake who we are. It may be too late to unburn some bridges or save some lost relationships, but it’s never too late to start nourishing ourselves inside and out. Eating well, exercising your body, limiting sun exposure can all help to improve your body, but what’s the point of taking care of the temple if no one’s home. We need to exercise our minds as well. Read, learn, try something new, debate, or get involved in a cause you believe in.

I don’t want to ride the bench, I’m a get in the game kind of girl and if that means some extra effort to stay in shape, keep mentally sharp and spend another hour to look pretty, then I’ll do it. I’m never going to come close to looking like a Raquel Welch, but one of the most attractive things about her isn’t that body or face, it’s her attitude. She’s a woman who’s lived life and she knows who she is and what she’s about. She’s definitely in the game and that is sexy at any age.

Day 300: I Know I Didn't Know it All

I wish I were as smart in school as I am now. I’m not really talking actual academic performance as it’s more likely after being out of school so long that I was more book smart then. No, what I am referring to is the ability to problem solve and to think more critically. Back then, if the answer weren’t obvious or in the book, I didn’t look for it. There were so many things I did not know about the world. Turns out, I was not as deep of a thinker as I am now, despite believing that I was. The person I believed myself to be just wasn’t backed up by my actions.

I can’t say I actually regret anything, because if I did and could change something, it might change who I am now. It’s an interesting thought though, this idea of who we’d be now if we were different then. My insecurities and fears held me back when I was young. My fear of failing kept me from pursuing my dreams and is something I conscientiously work against even now. Rather than taking a chance and failing, I learned not to take chances. I stuck with what I was good at and that mentality kept me from growing.

It’s taken a lot to get to where I am now. Sure, I’m still a work in progress, but no more than the next person. The difference, is that I’m aware of it. I never used to be afraid of anything, and I realize now that the reason why, was because I didn’t take the kind of risks that could lead to failure. As an adult I’ve taken a lot of risks and periodically I feel as if I’m hanging by a thread, but it’s a good feeling too because I know I’m trying. I am giving my life all I’ve got and I would rather fail than not try at all. There are still plenty of things I don’t know, but these days I search harder for the answers and I seek help when I can’t do it on my own. This is my definition of growth and I think I’m making progress. If only I could erase a few doozies from those high school days. Ugh.

Day 299: What You Want isn't Always What You Need

Relationships: marriage, biological clocks, compromise, communication, and ultimatums. At one point or another, we’ve all been in a relationship in which one of the above things managed to cause problems. Women get panicky about setting dates and having babies, men don’t want to communicate or compromise, and both might eventually find themselves issuing an ultimatum. What is it about people and love that seems to provoke anxiety? If we could all just take it down a notch and chill, we’d probably find not just what we want, but what we need.

I used to be anxious about the timeline for having children. When I met Jeff I was 32 and thinking I wanted five, or possibly three, but definitely an odd number and definitely more than one. A couple years in I started talking about going off the pill and letting nature take its course. When Jeff told me he is sterile I felt tremendous anxiety. I always assumed I would have children and could see myself as a Mother. The funny thing was, I could never see myself as a Mom “now.” I still don’t feel like I’m ready and finding out that it’s not a possibility freed me to stop worrying and setting timelines and just enjoy what I have. I actually found out that what I thought I wanted wasn’t really me after all.

There are times in every committed relationship that you’ll find yourself needing to compromise. Often, you won’t want to and you may still think you’re right, but keeping the peace and letting go of the little things is key to the ultimate success of any committed relationship. The mistake we sometimes make, however, is in compromising when we shouldn’t. There are some big issues out there and a compromise that leads to fundamentally changing who you are or what you want should be a warning bell that this relationship’s not for you.

Ultimatums are never good. Well, there’s the “If you don’t start putting your dishes in the dishwasher I’ll start putting locks on the cabinets” type of ultimatum of which, I am a big fan. But the types that demand certain commitments or behaviors really just mean that maybe you’re not getting what you need from this person and it’s time for a serious overhaul or the heave-ho.

Whatever, your particular relationship woe is or was, communication is sure to be at the heart of it and yet we don’t always even understand what that means. It’s not just about talking. Hell I talk all day, but sometimes fail to communicate even a single, salient point. You could be over sharing; talking and talking, but never stopping to realize the other person just isn’t really saying all that much. Perhaps you’re just not listening and communication is absolutely as much about the listening as the talking.

Rather than constantly trying to match our family or neighbors, we need to find out who we are and what we need and let that be our guide and goal. I thought I’d stay unmarried forever and have five kids, turns out I got hitched in Vegas and will not be popping out any babies. Best part is, this is not what I wanted, but it is what WORKS. You cannot fit a square peg in a round role any more than you can change what you need to be happy and sometimes we need to admit to ourselves when what we have doesn’t work for us. It doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed, but it’s possible that the solution we seek is not the one that will work. Taking the time to trust ourselves and to really listen and feel what we need will eventually lead you down the path you need to be on, but if you try to force it and let your anxiety rule, you’re cheating yourself.