Day 242: Prepare Yourself, it's Going to Snow . . . an Inch

We North Carolineans are in the throes of a major winter storm. By major I mean a forecasted one to two inches and possibly some sleet. The mountain areas are definitely in for some real snow, but I’d hardly scroll weather alerts on TV every fifteen minutes and start the panic three days in advance, even for snow in a warm weather climate. At some point, it’s just all too much and a little common sense should enter into it. Unfortunately, that has not happened. Instead, we are mid-panic for pretty much nothing.

There was some snow this evening in Charlotte, but it wasn’t sticking and it’s hardly notable even for here. Just because there is snow falling does not mean the roads are instantly dangerous, so please stop driving like your tires are made of glass. In Fort Bragg, NC it has not begun snowing yet and is not predicted to snow until after midnight. This did not stop the military base from shutting down at 3pm. Yes, 3pm!!! They closed things up ten hours before snow is even PREDICTED! Schools, offices, all closed because it might snow a inch or two at some point when everyone will be home in bed.

This evening as the husband and I were discussing the mass hysteria, we saw a news report in which it was reported that road crews were out “preparing” for the snow as early as Wednesday. They showed footage of salt trucks coating the roads in the middle of a sunny day, a full two days before we were due to get any snow at all. In fact yesterday it was 62 and sunny and the roads were apparently already salted. I think I understand why the roads department here is so over budget. It doesn’t really help to “prepare” the roads when it’s warm and sunny out. The salt will melt and/or get blown off the road long before any cold weather activity happens.

I get that people here aren’t used to it and my beef isn’t with the drivers, it’s with the newscasters, weathermen, town officials and road crews who play into all the over-hyped winter storm chaos. It’s not a storm, it’s barely winter and it certainly does not merit closing schools and workplaces well before any weather is expected. You don’t need to stock up on milk and bread for snow that will be around for a day or two at most and you don’t need to prep roads days in advance. Save money, time and worry by acting logically and appropriately. I don’t want to keep having to hate the South, but they keep proving they are as stupid and backwards as everyone jokes they are. I hope they have snowblowers at Target, I need to prepare for the storm.

Day 241: Are You on a Celeb's Top Five List?

A lighter blog for today to give the self-reflection, doubts, angst, etc. a break.

So let’s talk about sex, specifically the Top Five list we normal humans make ranking our top five celebs we’d get a free pass to bang. For anyone who is living in a cave or got married at 18 and cannot fathom casual sex, the list is meant to excuse you from the repercussions of cheating by your partner by allowing you to have relations with anyone on your list of five. The chances of this actually happening go up if you live in big cities or cool vacation towns where your celeb crush might actually travel. So, if we get to have our list, what do the celebs have, a list of normals they’d like to bang?

It’s an interesting question for me to ponder, because I have too much time on my hands and like to think about stupid shit on an in-depth level. So this is what I’m on today and it is amusing me to no end. If you are a celebrity and routinely meet and have sex with other celebrities, then you couldn’t really have a Top Five list. Not because you wouldn’t have celebs that you haven’t hooked up with and still want to, but because you will likely run into them. No one wants to tell their spouse or partner sure, choose five random people you routinely see and I’ll let you bang them consequence free. I tried that with Jeff once, suggesting that we just make a list of hot neighbors, but he didn’t go for it and I’m guessing the celeb couples wouldn’t either.

So, that means that either they are doomed to a life of monogamous imprisonment without possibility of parole, or their list is made up of non-celebs. Just imagine, Brangelina having lists that include statements like: “should I happen to have a grocery bagger named Gil/Jill” or “if the yoga/spin instructor has brown hair on a Tuesday” I am permitted to sleep with him/her. A Top Five is usually referred to as a joke, but it adds a bit of mystery and excitement and also, I’m planning to hold the husband firm to his committed acceptance of the list. I keep telling him to revamp his (it’s been since Britney Spears was a viable option . . . shudder) because the list is no joke to me. Should I run into Matthew McConaughey-hey, The Rock, Taye Diggs, Selma Hayek, or Robert Downey Jr. and I’m able to get them drunk enough to want to sleep with me, it’s game on and the husband had fair warning. I just wish I could get on one of their “Normal People Top Fives.”

Day 240: Nature vs. Nurture vs. No Effing Way

I am the definition of an iconoclast. The husband has called me that multiple times in our life together and now that I’ve confirmed the exact definition (thank you Kaplan GRE Exam Vocabulary in a Box) it’s got me examining where this need to rebel began. We are all part genetics and part experience, but I would argue that the part of my personality that can be attributed to nurturing is actually the opposite of what I experienced growing up. Raised by hard-working parents, I saw my Father throw away a sweet, gentle woman that loved him for a good time and I watched that loving woman work herself to death and never take a chance on anything that made her happy because she was too scared to fail. I am the opposite of my parents, always avoiding any path that might lead me in their footsteps.

I live for risk. I take chances in love, work, friendships and with my own life. I love adventure and I’m constantly walking the line. My brother got all of my parent’s worse attributes. He got my Mother’s cautiousness, which keeps him from taking chances and the safety net he’s insulated himself with has become his own prison. From my Pop, he learned that women are greedy and selfish and only looking for a provider. The quality in Dad that caused him to seek out young, needy women so that he in turn could feel needed and gain companionship set an example for his son that was entirely jaded. I have a smart, funny and talented brother that somehow fell victim to the worst part of nurture and he deserved better.

Obligation, working a job I don’t like, loving people who don’t want me, never loving at all and never taking life’s joys for myself are the things I rebel against. In my quest to learn from my parents’ mistakes I have gone 180 degrees the other way and I live a bit like a nomad searching for the people and places that can help me feel happy. I live on the edge. Excitement and unpredictability gives my life a satisfaction that is invaluable to me and would be completely alien to my parents. I have made mistakes, so many mistakes, and I have hurt the people that loved me. As much I wish I could make all that hurt up to my Mother, my friends, my current and past partners, I cannot say that I regret. I live my life for me, but also in a kind of race against the martyrdom of my Mother and the sins of my Father.

There is a part of me that wishes I could be the woman those people deserve. Pop, for all his faults, is a good man and he doesn’t have a lazy bone in his body, but he never learned how to truly love. I on the other hand, have loved with a fierceness that has left little room for anyone to live up to my expectations or irrational fear of rejection. I do the best I can to blend the side of myself that needs spontaneity with the part that craves love and acceptance. I’m not sure where I will end up or if I’ll manage to keep deserving my husband’s love, but I know the list of things I will not end up doing, I just look to my parents’ example and do the opposite.

Day 239: I Want to be a Foreigner

I want to live somewhere else. Not just another city, because that will likely happen in the next 2-3 years, no I want to live out of country. I admit I’m not really a patriot, but I certainly enjoy the freedoms of the US and since the husband is an Army guy, he definitely likes it here. Still, I have always wanted to live somewhere else and I’m not entirely sure why. The subject came up unexpectedly when Jeff recently asked where I see myself living when we’re older. He’s thinking somewhere exotic like Key West and I’m thinking a tropical island, village in France or coastal town in Spain. Clearly there’s trouble brewing in the Bramline household, but I figure I’ve got a good chance of coming out on top.

If I had to nail down a real reason I’m not looking to live here long-term I’d say it has to do with the American arrogance. We are so isolated from the world and there is this sense that we are the center of the universe. We don’t speak other languages, we don’t travel much abroad, we tend not to appreciate the opportunity to learn other cultures, we just want to be us and stay us no matter what. When I travel, I like to hang with locals and blend a bit. I stop being as picky as I normally am and live by the “when in Rome” philosophy. The world is so full of life and diversity and I want to experience as much of it as I can.

Diversity is not something we really get here in the states. We have racial diversity, sure, but I’m not talking color, I speak of culture. We are so obsessed with white and black and brown here, but we’re basically the same culture despite our ever present bigotry. The concept of diverse cultures does not speak to race, and that is where we as Americans lose our way. I suppose it’s not our fault, we just are not often exposed to diversity outside of our racial definitions and that is to our detriment. I’m not saying I am the most open minded of people, I judge just like anyone else, but I want my prejudice to be based on the annoying food of Germans, the lack of suitable laundry facilities in Italy, and the gross habit of washing your hair and dishes on the streets in Vietnam. I don’t care that they’re Asian or black or ginger kids, I care about practicalities, food, behavior and kindness. I can’t promise never to judge, I just won’t do it based on the narrow definitions of what most Americans deem to be cultural diversity.

Day 238: Why Spending Money on Stupid Things is Sometimes a Good Idea

There was time when money was not much of an issue, but that was before. Money is an issue now and yet I find myself unable to be completely thrifty. We are lucky that Jeff is employed in a recession proof job, but it would be nice if I were motivated enough to take whatever crap job I can get, but who am I kidding, I’m not. Still, we’re not exactly poor and neither of us are inclined to spend money on extravagant items, but we never skimp on food or wine or travel. I’m also fond of blowing money on silly things for sentimental reasons. Sure, we could be economical and watch every penny like some people have to do, but that’s not who we are and luckily we’re not in a position that we have to.

So why spend fifty dollars on a coffee mug with Jeff’s official Army photo on it? Well, because he hated the photo and hates that kind of memorabilia and I knew it would make him laugh. Why spend almost two hundred dollars on a cat tower? Because they will enjoy it. Why spend money we should use for bills on a holiday weekend getaway? Because it will be fun and we need it. People spend money on all sorts of things, but primarily on bills, mortgage payments or rent, food, etc. For many, there is nothing left after the necessities get paid and some months not even those. What kind of life is it when there is never anything leftover?

I watched my Mother work her whole life just to make the minimum payments on her bills. She never had the luxury of spending way too much for something stupid like a personalized coffee mug. There is freedom in doing something like that. I may not be able to buy the Jaguar I’ve always wanted or spend a month in Africa, but I can buy a bottle of wine that should be out of my price range or drop a couple hundred on dinner. A life of all sacrifice robs us of joy. Your children need to see that you are capable of having fun and that sometimes it’s okay to be frivolous. While it is certainly true that I can afford an indulgence without risking missing a rental payment there is not a huge safety net there. For me, it’s more important to enjoy life while I have the chance and maybe save just a little bit less. As it turns out, the husband agrees, that overpriced joke of a coffee mug is his favorite.

Day 237: Some Ghosts Shouldn't be Exorcised

So much for blogging my way to mental and emotional health. The last eight months have been very therapeutic in the way that only baring your soul to whomever bothers to read can be, but now I fear I’m up against a wall. Of course I still have issues to work out, but I’m at a difficult crossroads that would most likely be wise to walk away from. The things I really still need to write about affect friends and family that are alive and well and presumably not as open to having me air our dirty laundry in a semi-public venue. So is it possible to heal when only one party wants to try? Can I make it all better for myself without utilizing the one avenue that works for me or am I destined to carry the burdens of failed relationships and miscommunications with no outlet?

Hemingway used to write that all the stories he had left to tell about those he loved must wait until one of them were dead. When even Papa knows not to go there I guess I would be a fool not to listen. So I guess the only option is to do nothing, at least for a while. This is the way most people live anyway, isn’t it? I’ve just never been one of those people who can shy away from confrontations or trying to fix things. It bothers me when things are left unsaid and I suck at pretending things are okay when they’re not. So while I very much want to drag it all out into the light in that obsessive Ame way I have with my writing, I know I can’t.

This is perhaps the hardest thing. Knowing that I might be able to gain some peace from working through at least my own side of some issues, I can’t. Sometimes when you love someone it is easier and better to let things go and to not try to fix them. That’s not a lesson I can easily swallow, but I am trying. The ghosts of my past are many and some are so incredibly difficult to push back down under the cover the denial or avoidance, but it’s not all about me, at least not in these instances. So suck it up I will, but I won’t like it and it won’t necessarily make me healthier, but it will keep the peace and sometimes that’s worth it.

Day 236: It's Not Another Katrina, Rescuing an Entire Nation Takes a Few Days

You might be asking yourself why it’s taking so long to get supplies to Haiti or personnel to Haiti or tent cities set up in Haiti. You are likely watching a news story or reading an article detailing (yet again) the devastation the country is now facing and the increasingly dire circumstances the people there are facing. You are watching and reading about this and wondering where we are after ten days and shaking your head thinking it’s another Katrina. What you don’t know is what the sensationalism minded media is not telling you or helping you to understand, but luckily I’m here and I’ll take you through the big points.

Katrina was a complete and utter failure. All we had to do was drive two hours in any direction and food and water could be found, but our government sent in FEMA and they fucked up. What happened there was inexcusable, but 180 degrees from what we are dealing with in Haiti. Katrina was devastating to a localized geographical area, most of the nation of Haiti was destroyed or affected and we don’t live two hours away. Sending supplies is quite a bit more complicated than loading up a truck and diving them in, Haiti does not have the personnel, supplies, infrastructure or security it needs so we have to supply it all and it takes time.

At the bare minimum we need personnel on the ground to unload planes and boats with supplies on them, that personnel is on a military base in Ft. Bragg, NC living their life, putting their kids to bed and working longer hours than most of us can imagine. Getting the call that they need to go to Haiti requires mobilizing four to five thousand troops, some of them within in a day or two. So the very first thing is just putting out notice that you need to pack you bag, kiss the family goodbye and get your ass on a plane. That takes longer than a couple of hours, because you also have to coordinate with the Air Force to get the planes. Personnel means supplies and barracks which also have to be sorted out and sent or set up. We also are going into a foreign government and just because it’s a time of crisis there is still red tape and hoops to jump through. Once all of that is accomplished there’s a matter of clearing air fields of debris so planes filled with troops and supplies can even land. At least one of our planes was diverted back to the states for this very reason – no one in Haiti to clear the airfield so we could land and begin to help or set up.

Even when that is done, all the personnel are there, supplies are gathered and the means to disseminate is taken care of, there is still the issue of security and housing. Yes, tent cities sounds easy enough, you just put up some tents. Unfortunately, we’re looking to set up tent cities for approximately 400,000 people and they are well outside the capital city area so the people need to be transported to them. In addition, tents need cots, blankets and/or sleeping bags, latrines, showers, mess halls, and security. None of this is easy or fast and remember, all this is being done by people who were home sleeping in their own beds three nights before.

There is a lot more to consider both because it is in a foreign country and because the wreckage covers a vast area. We aren’t talking about driving some trucks up to the Superdome and unloading them, it’s a whole other world of emergency management and considering how many steps and how many difficulties exist in this particular situation I’m pretty damned impressed.

Our phone has not stopped ringing since it happened, Saturday, Sunday, 1pm or 3am it’s ringing because there are people working 24 hours a day on this and they are working their asses off. So stop asking why it takes so long and what the big deal is with opening a few tents. Hell, it takes me the better part of a week to plan a weekend away so I think a little perspective is in order people.