Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 298: Thanks for Being Opinionated Loudmouths, I Love That in Friends


I was all set to write my blog about how I now think God is actually an evolution from an alien species visiting our planet for at least 6,000 years who taught us the now dead language Sumerian and were the basis for our fear of an all-powerful God belief system. I changed my mind however, mostly because I need more time to sketch it out and also because I don’t need the hate mail. Anyway, in lieu of the incredibly offensive to many of you God is a hostile alien race blog, I bring you a thank you.

I post of lot of things on my Facebook page and through my blog, that can be considered controversial. I make no apologies for this and admit that as a person who enjoys debate, I often do it on purpose. When I get thought provoking responses I do not always take the time to respond or thank you for your input, but I want you to know that I do read them all. Some of you post things I agree with and others make me want to shout in disagreement, but all of them are greatly appreciated.

The God blog I penned a few weeks ago got a lot of response and at some point I just let you all sort it through and I sit back as a type of observer. This is not because I’m not interested in your POV, I am, it’s just that after I write I often feel a sense of “birthing” it and I just need to sit back a bit and rest. I feel guilty sometimes, however, for not responding or clarifying my points, but I still feel my place is to put it out there and open it up for discussion and to let you do what you will.

Regardless of my personal, religious, or political beliefs I am so grateful to every one of you that has ever taken the time to respond to one of my posts. I honestly believe that it is only through an exchange of information and opinions that we will eventually come together to find solutions and amicable reform for our problems. What I do not like are hostile and accusatory sentiments. Sure, I ride that line from time to time with my own thoughts, but I am always the first to admit that I could be wrong. I never think I am (just ask the husband), but I’ll admit to the possibility.

So please keep it up and never worry that I will be offended by your opinion, language, or anything you could post. I love the mere fact that you’d take the time to post anything, even a message telling me how stupid I am or my belief is. I hope that when I launch my new blog at the end of this month you’ll come along for the ride on that one as well. I’ve still got a few months to go on 365 Days and there is still a lot to cover, but the new one is 180 degrees away from where this one is. It’s a lot more fun and whimsical and though still has my particular brand of charm (or crazy as the husband would describe it), it’s less issue-based and stream of consciousness and more informative and topical.

Thanks again for reading and commenting and getting fired up. I love it all and respect every one of you for just having an opinion, it’s always surprising to me how many people don’t. 

Friday, March 26, 2010

Day 297: We've Come a Long Way Baby!

When did we as a society stop having hope for the better and faith in change to get us there? All the recent hoopla, including DEATH THREATS, over the healthcare bill got me thinking about the way we perceive the leadership of our country and how we enact change for the better. I’ve been kicking these thoughts around for a few days,  not sure where to go with them, until this morning when an email from a friend set me on the path. In talking about his disappointment over the healthcare bill he stated that he hopes something radical changes because, “ . . . anything would be better than the new lows we set every year.” I read this and I thought to myself, really?

It seems all we do anymore is point to the negative or look for problems. We jump from one political party to the other looking for party affiliation to make our life better instead of how we actually live it. We talk about the President like some douchebag at the office, a lack of respect that is appalling even to me. As a Democrat, and one who voted for Bill Clinton twice and his wife once, I am saddened to attribute our current disrespect for the Presidency to his Oval Office antics. I think the larger role the media has in covering the White House and the politicians within also contributes, but there’s nothing like a hummer in the club house to sleaze things up.

Even so, we’re missing a lot. Are we really so much worse than we used to be? Sure, people were more polite, they wore hats in public, dressed more formally and litter didn’t seem to be as much of a problem, but behind those pleasantries there were some serious things wrong. Racism was rampant; sexism was openly practiced; and the media was complicit in covering up the misdeeds of the Presidency. Today’s society has come a long way and it may not be as pretty as the suburban neighborhoods portrayed in the TV sitcoms of old, but we have real change. So yes, we swear a lot, even at the office; people wear shorts and flip flops to church, no one borrows a cup of sugar from the neighbor, but what we do have is a thinking nation. The problem, is that when you have a 360 degree view of something, you're bound to see the flaws as well as the accomplishments.

We care about issues and rather than blindly follow a leader, we question things, we pay attention and we demand accountability. We educate ourselves (though I would argue  that the “education” you get from Fox News ain’t all that educational, anywho . . .) and take time to discuss and organize meetings and rallys. Progress is ugly, that’s just the way it is. The civil rights movement was ugly. Suffrage was ugly. The fight for gay and transgender rights are ugly. 

These are necessary and inevitable changes, but how they came to pass and the resulting struggle were not pretty and they did not please all the people. We need to stop calling names and pointing fingers and at least respect that we all want something better. You may disagree with how we get there, but no one is trying to make things worse. Would it kill us to show a little respect if we cannot muster support? The packaging may not be to our liking, but I think things actually get better every year, not worse. 

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Day 296: If Your Body Feels Like Shit, it's Probably Because That's What You've Put in it


It’s hell getting old. Or at least that’s what we’re taught to believe. The aches and pains, wrinkles and baldness, heart disease and cancers . . . it’s a rough road, but one that maybe we can avoid. I’ve felt like a member of the AARP for the last 20 years with my chronic headaches, arthritis in my hands, and a spine that is constantly surprising me with new ways to cause pain. I have single-handedly put at least three chiropractor’s kids through college over the years and I’m still not done. At the same time, I don't have any gray hairs and I think I look nearly ten years younger than the 37 I have logged. Old age doesn’t look like it used to. Want proof? Sophia Loren, Johnny Depp, Sally Field, and the amazingly gorgeous Diane Sawyer all look decades younger than their age tells us they should look.

So what’s the answer? Can we stop time or do we even need to? Our grandparents' generation and even some of our parents grew up on typically unhealthy diets. They worked hard, most at physical labor, and they ate hard. Gravy, white potatoes and bread, and so much meat and dairy. We didn’t have yoga then or working out for fitness. We had factories and farms and back-breaking jobs that served as a workout. Heart healthy omega oils and antioxidants were unheard of then, and it showed. They lived shorter lives, were chronically unhealthy and looked ancient by the time they hit 50.

It’s easy of course to look at the celeb crowd and cite money as the cause for their youthful looks. Money buys expensive anti-aging products, plastic surgery, and makeup artists. Money and frequent visits to the spa sound like a pretty great recipe for happiness to me, but that’s still just the outside and it doesn’t even begin to explain cultures without all the beauty enhancements and gym equipment and still live long, healthy lives. What’s their secret and how do we steal it?

Vietnam taught me a lot about the benefits of good nutrition and whole foods. I saw women there that were under five feet tall and over 70-years-old carrying huge loads of goods to the markets. They stood upright, without any signs of the osteoporosis that is decimating so many of the elderly here. They were trim, without the heart attack inducing abdominal fat or pants-splitting ass lard that so many of us carry around. These people ate vegetables, fried foods, and even the glycemic index enemy white rice. What they did not eat on a regular basis were sugar, chemically processed foods, and dairy.

Maybe the secret to eternal youth and good health isn’t about eating in moderation, but in eating whole, unprocessed foods, even fried foods, and keeping the body actively engaged. We don’t need to train two hours a day in the gym, just walk, take the stairs, or ride on your bike instead of in a car. Americans add flavor to food by adding fat. Cheese is the biggie, but if our food were more real, it would be more flavorful on its own and we wouldn’t need so much cheese, oil, or butter. It may be too late to save my back or crooked hands completely, but if clean eating will stave off more wrinkles, grays, and fat rolls then I’m on that bandwagon.

So often we take the easy path in this country. We all want freedom, but we don’t want to pay the bill. Let’s go to war, but don’t take my child’s life. Let’s buy bigger homes, but not worry about how we’ll pay for them. Let’s have universal healthcare, but don’t raise my taxes. Let’s be healthy and beautiful, but not do the work to get there. I have known people who were in excellent physical condition that still dropped dead of a heart attack or got a life-threatening disease and I know plenty of plastically beautiful people who stay slim eating processed bars and shakes and line-free with botox, but they’re not healthy. We need to stop being lazy and start taking responsibility for our own health. If you look like hell it’s most likely because that is what you’ve put your body through. You could also just be really ugly, but that’s not so much my point so we’ll skip that till the next blog.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Day 295: The "A-Ha" Moment and Where to go From There



A few nights ago the husband and I got really, really drunk. This is not altogether unheard of, it’s just that it does not happen often. Usually one of us stays sober or both of us just get mildly happy. Rarely do we find ourselves fall down drunk at the same time, and as we age, it rarely happens alone either. So on this particular night we did what we always do when we’re both extremely inebriated . . . we had a serious discussion. I have no clue what it is about the combination of the two of us and large quantities of alcohol that inevitably lead us to in-depth discussion, but that tends to be the end result.

This particular night we discussed . . . well, I have no idea really what we discussed since we were both hammered and don’t remember a lot of what was said. The one thing we both recall is a moment when he sat straight up in some sort of Oprah-esque “a-ha” moment. It took us a few days to clear away some of the memory fuzz, but when we did we hit upon the cause of this epiphany: I don’t need a hero or a man to save me.

Doesn’t sound like much of a revelation. After all, I’m a 37-year-old woman who has been taking care of myself for a long time, but since I’ve been with Jeff I’ve let some of the hardness go and come to depend on him in a way that was foreign to me in the past. Jeff has seen and heard me at my worst and no one is more aware than him that I’ve been unemployed for two years and totally reliant on his ability to bring home the bacon. Sometimes, I’m not even capable of frying it up in a pan, so I can see where he might have gotten the impression that I need someone to save me.

The pressure this must put on a person is unimaginable to me and it never occurred to me that the husband would not see that my inner strength is always enough to get me through. Like most of us, my life has not been an easy one, but I’ve gotten through pretty much on my own. So I didn’t see it. Six years into the relationship and I didn’t see it until we were both too drunk to stand. This wonderful man who loves me more than his sanity (clearly) has been trying to be my hero and make it all better for me. This is just a part of who he is as a man and I’m sure he’s done it in all his relationships, but I don’t need it or want it, and I told him so.

This is what made him sit up in a moment of clarity and what has had me searching for my own clarity ever since. For the last six years, my husband has been looking for ways not just to make me happy, but to solve my issues formed long before he and I even met. What worries me most is that now that he has accepted the fact that his role in my life is not what he imagined it to be, how will he redefine himself in the relationship? What if he needs to save me? What if that feeling of being the savior is what makes him feel valued? Along those same lines, what if all of us struggle in relationships because we’ve never quite gotten to the heart of what our partner needs or who they think we are?

I know who I am and I guess it never crossed my mind that the husband might be a bit unclear. He does take amazing care of me, as I try to do for him, and all nurturing couples do, but he’s been trying so hard to give me something I don’t want that I wonder what he will fill that place in himself up with now. Perhaps we’re all better off not knowing certain things. Was it so bad for him to think I needed saving? Maybe not, we could all use a little more love and nurturing, but think of the energy he’ll save now. I’m a wreck, I know that, now that he knows it’s not his responsibility to fix the crazy he might have the time and drive to cure cancer, create world peace, or even resolve the healthcare debate. Then again, he should probably just get a second job, cause this self-sufficient girl would really like a few more pairs of shoes.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Day 294: I'm Not Trying to End the World, I Just Like Healthcare


I do not want to write about healthcare reform. Up until today I have resisted, I mean what is left to say? You’re either vehemently opposed or wholeheartedly for it. Then again, maybe you’re against it because you’re worried about the implications to your life or business and not actually against universal healthcare. You could also be for reform, but not in love with the bill as it is written. There are so many shades of gray here and far from the overwhelming majority critics seem to keep asserting exists, more realistic polls have the nays winning over the yeas by more like 2-5 percentage points. That shows me that there are more similarities among us than differences. So why all the hostility?

Are we really facing the end of America as we know it? Does mandating health insurance violate the Constitution? Should your tax implications be more important than your ethical obligation to actual care about other people? Hell, I don’t know, I’m not a wizard here to pluck answers from some cosmic pool of knowledge. What I do know is this: I’m unemployed, we’re not exactly surfing a tide of financial affluence and yet I believe it is still my obligation to help others that may not be able to help themselves. I know that not having health insurance does not mean people do not work or are deadbeats. I know that there are almost as many solutions to healthcare as there are nations and none are perfect.

I think we all want the same thing. We want to live our lives as happily as possible, secure in the knowledge that we will be rewarded for our hard work and that we are not saddled with the welfare of those who do nothing to help themselves. I think most of us believe in charitable works, but how far are we willing to go? It would seem that most people only give when they have extra and in that case we’re not exactly being all that charitable are we? The arguments against socialism are a veiled attempt to disguise our own greed, in my opinion. Think about it, what is so wrong with Socialism? Socialism seeks to even out the distribution of wealth and power that resides with the elite few and make a more level playing field for the rest of us, ensuring that we get a share of the rewards and not just all the work.

It would seem that the working and middle classes are so concerned with hanging onto the tiny bit of the brass ring they’ve earned that they refuse to loosen up for fear that they’ll end up in the gutter. It is not fair as it stands, but for real and meaningful change to happen we are all going to have to take some risks and maybe pay a little more for the greater good. I give money to every homeless person I see not because I believe that spare change is going to change their life, but because I can’t live with myself if I don’t. I know plenty of working poor, my Mother was the working poor and she never accepted a single food stamp or welfare check, but she could have.

In any case, I think the violent outbursts and crisis mode so many objectors have adopted is a little over the top. No one is asking you to single handedly fund healthcare. The government is not going to seize your investments or sell your children to pay for a trailer Mom’s kids to get insurance. There are plenty of things wrong with the bill that just passed, but the intentions are going in the right direction. We funded a trillion dollar war against a phantom enemy and yet providing healthcare is the thing people are getting crazed about? You are free to disagree, that’s another guarantee this country allows you, but the doomsday predictions, threats and outright contempt being shown is completely out of line. Let’s all try to get a little perspective and remember the goal is to help our fellow man so we all live a good and happy life. And if it helps, even Albert Enstein believed socialism was the prudent course. Last time I checked he was smarter than most of us, yes, even Reagan. 

Day 290-293 Weekend Edition: The Hangover, Ame Style


This weekend I did something a little differently with my blog, I decided to skip the daily and do a weekend edition. The idea came to me on Thursday night as I was well into what was sure to be a major hangover-making event. I knew then that I’d not be feeling up to writing and that the evening might lead to an interesting narrative. I should mention first off that I recently went vegan and I have not been drinking more than a glass of wine for several weeks. That evening I enjoyed a side salad, and two vegetable sides. Then I proceeded to drink three glasses of wine, a single malt scotch, two beers and two “girl” shots. Oh yes, it was one of those kinds of nights.

Our friend Mark is one of the husband’s best friends from his college days and someone I love to death. We all three get along and the opportunity to spend a rare evening together since we live in different states spurred me to drive to Fayetteville, NC to hang with two of my favorite men. The plan was dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, which admittedly means it wasn’t a chain, but it actually was quite nice. I intended, as the DD, to have one glass of wine. As we sat and talked over dinner that turned into three in two hours. We moved to the bar area where another friend joined us and I thought it wise to have a scotch. And here is where it took a turn for the crazy. When you get to that point in your inebriation that you no longer need a drink to feel drunk, that is when you will begin to drink without discretion.

Another 90 minutes passed and we decided to hit a real bar. At this point I still have most of my memory and I distinctly recall that it was I who suggested a strip club. The plan was agreed to and the next thing I know, we were driving down strip club lane and in a military town let me assure you there is always at least one road filled with them. We turned into the third one and here is where it gets a little wrong and illegal, because it is at this point that I realize I am driving. I remember them all yelling directions at how to park, but not so much the drive itself. I am a firm believer in NOT driving while drunk so I don’t really know what happened, except that I was stupid and drunk and just getting started.

Once inside we grabbed beers, shots and a private room complete with leather sofas and private illegal video poker machines. None of this was necessary of course, but four drunk people at a strip club are guaranteed only to do the exact opposite of what they should. Two lap dances later, I flashed the table, a college experience I’d never indulged in until now, my 37th year. No one remembers this except the husband and he is, um, less than thrilled. I also clearly remember that during my second lap dance, my girl started talking about her two kids. Why do strippers do that? I’m not tipping you more out of pity! Stop ruining the fantasy! After that I gave her to the husband and did another girl shot, because alcohol was clearly needed.

We hit the ATM two or three times to take out decent amounts of cash, yet woke up the next day with $15 in our pocket, so it must have been fun. I do know that I did not drive back to out friend’s hotel, I did not call the cab that took us home and I did not get out of bed again for nearly 36 hours. We lost our car, because neither the husband nor I were sober enough to catch the name of the hotel we parked it at. We intended to be in Fayetteville overnight, we ended up being there for two days. We experienced a two-day hangover. Got in a fight and then a great conversation that caused the husband to literally sit up with enlightenment before immediately forgetting what the hell we were talking about. Spent the equivalent of a car payment on a rental car that was due back Friday, but because we didn’t make it back until late Saturday when they were already closed for the weekend we got stuck with four times the original bill.

Altogether I think our “dinner” with a friend cost us nearly $850 and two days of headaches and nausea. We don’t remember most of the night except that it was really, really fun and honestly that makes it all worthwhile. Even so, I think I’m going to add drinking to the list of things I’m going to say no to in copious amounts.