I was at a loss today as to what to write and then, while perusing the interwebs I stumbled upon the Duggars. Yes, that ever-growing family that I try so diligently to put out of my mind keeps finding its way back. I came late to know the Duggar family, but apparently they’ve had a TV show exalting their superfluous ability to breed for quite a while. If you don’t know who they are, the Duggars are a family of 18 children with one more on the way. That’s a 21 member family, people. I could barely tolerate four. The founding principle guiding this unending brood is that they will let God decide how many children they should have. I have one little problem with this concept, since it’s not God who’s knocking up your lady, then doesn’t some responsibility lie with how much you’re getting busy?
I’m not going to take issue with their religious beliefs or even with their apparent need to repopulate the Earth with their own little clan of Duggars. What I feel is necessary to point out is the flaw in the logic. The Duggars cite God as the miracle worker behind their large family and while I’m not going to debate pregnancy as a miracle, I think the bigger miracle is that a couple married since 1984, with a dozen and a half kids is still interested enough in each other to make babies. Every parent I know is exhausted and views sex as a luxury and/or trade off. Michelle and (I’m not making this up) Jim Bob have more kids than most married couples have sex in an entire year. I feel inadequate and plan to attack my husband with my excessively birth-controlled girl parts as soon as he gets home.
I may not want to breed, but I’ll be damned if I let a couple who sign their website letter with the too chipper and a little creepy, “With Joy Because of Jesus” have more sex than me. I am now in competition with the holiest of Christians to prove that I have a potent libido, despite not giving birth to 18 kids. I’m honestly a little impressed that Mr. Way too Many Kids still wants to hit that. I’m pretty sure my husband gets bored with me from time to time, but after turning my lady business into a freeway I’m not sure he’d be so excited about hitting the on ramp.
All I’m saying, is that before we blame God for the soon to be 19 kids, we should acknowledge the fact that the Duggars themselves are somewhat to blame. If you start popping out a baby at an almost one per year rate, I’d say your excessive hormones, phermones or possibly diehard fantasy life is also partially to blame. If you can have 18 kids and not be too tired to make the effort or find the time, then the rest of us had better reexamine our excuses.
My biggest worry with four is not my girl parts...those are ruined after one....you are either multiparous with a uterus that never completely closes, hips that would not fool a forensic anthropologist in the tightest jeans, and breasts that have been stretched, pulled and bitten (in a sweet, not sexy way), or you are a woman capable of any carefree decision that she chooses which will not crush the hopes, dreams and innocence of a child. No, my biggest concern is my future love prospects should the current husband be rendered unavailabe. One kid....cute....two kids built in family that potentially blends well, three....you've got that ridden hard look and a lot of baggage...and me? with four? wouldn't even bother trying. Nineteen? No fuckin way is there a potential stepfather interested in that position! Mrs. Dugger may be surrounded with love, but after four she figured she should take all the sex that she's offered b/c once her source dries up, she's DONE!
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