I am having one of the most fun, frenetic, months of my life and yet it is also a time of deep reflection and self-realization. It seems odd that such different avenues could convene in a single short time span, but I guess I'm just a skilled multi-tasker. Because I am prone to self-analysis, however, in the midst of all the joy and discovery I am left wondering what the genesis of this productive month might be.
The easy answer is that Jeff is home after a year of deployment, but if that is true what does it say about me? Do I need a partner to be fulfilled? There is a part of me that wants to be the romantic, believer of soul mates, but the truth is more complicated. I am not a more fulfilled person because I am not alone, I am more fulfilled because my life is no longer on hold.
Of course I love that he's home and it has definitely made me happy, but the better part is no longer putting my life on hold. I wasn't free to live as a solitary individual. My decisions still affected another person and yet that person was not here to share the burdens. I had all the pressures of a relationship, but not many of the benefits. So no, it is not simply his return.
Happiness and self-discovery are never one dimensional issues. My own journey is benefitting from a certain relief now that my partner is home. I think it most likely that it is only through a relaxed and calmed mental outlook that we experience inner growth. So yes, in a way I needed Jeff to be home to get straight, but he is not the cure, he's not the clarity, he's my anchor that prevents me from ever straying into dangerous waters.
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