Stop making me be a bitch. I am exceptionally good at it. Just because I am out and a woman, does not mean that my goal in life is for you to hit on me. Perhaps my lack of response to your repeated questions should clue you in. If that is not answer enough, you could draw upon my polite, but cold commentary about how I just want to have a drink and relax. No? This is not getting through to you? I’m sorry, I should have been more clear. Maybe if I stated, that I am married and not interested in talking to you, flirting with you, dating you or really anything that might have a crossover interaction between myself and you. Seriously, this seems pretty clear, I don’t quite know what else I could do . . . oh, yes I do. Now is when I break out the beyatch and tell you very clearly, in a voice loud enough for your friends to hear, that there is absolutely no chance and nothing about you that is remotely appealing to me. What’s that you say? I’m a bitch? Well sure, because any girl not up for your tight game is clearly stupid and undeserving. My bad.
I think every woman can identify with this situation. We don’t want to have to be the bitch. What we would like to have happen, is that if we do not reciprocate your advances or attempts to make conversation, that you might do something radical, like grasp the damn point. We are not interested. You are not going to hook up. You need to stop talking immediately and proceed to the next available female. Oddly enough, this concept seems to be relatively foreign to most men. Hard to believe that a woman might not want to talk to someone as sexy and awesome as you. Clearly, we are either stupid or elitist. You are not to blame for our own inability to recognize your innate awesomeness. It is a female character flaw and one day soon, we will wake to realize that we should have been grateful for you incessant conversational prowess after all.
For some reason, women have adopted the habit of leaving men alone if our attempts to engage you in conversation do not work. Apparently, you are just playing hard to get. We should be more vigilant in not giving you a moment to yourself, even when forewarned that you are not in the mood or out with friends and not looking to meet new people. Sometimes women can be really dense like that and assume such statements are true, as opposed to simply a strategic ploy to make us want to talk to you more and more and more. What we really don’t get, is that when you ignore us after repeated polite requests for us to move on, what you really mean is that we should keep talking to you in the hopes that our inane conversation and blatant staring at your body parts helps you to relax.
Women can be such bitches. It is hard to understand all the complex signals we throw out there. True, I did come here just to make you want me. Now that I am hearing that you don’t care how I look and that you don’t need me I feel badly about not being more open with my affections. I must have come here for you, what other reason could there be for my mysterious presence? Whiskey, you say? No, I could get that anywhere, I am here for you alone, please talk to me more and if you could manage to stare at my chest or make inappropriate comments while I try to politely feign indifference, that would be great. Everyone knows that women rarely know what they want and as a proven ladies man, it is your obligation to convince me that what I need more than silence is your unwavering attention.
I am not sure at what point it is acceptable for me to finally tell someone hitting on me to go screw themselves, but I’m thinking somewhere between hour one and two is plenty of time for you to recognize that I was just being nice earlier and that you do not in fact have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting me to want you. It’s not that you’re not great. I’m sure your Mother thinks you hung the moon, but I’m not her and you’re not as charming as you think you are.
Situations like this emphasize the difference between men and women. Women, with our generally low self-esteem, rarely hit on men we don’t think we have a shot with and when we do, the minute you seem uninterested, we are gone. We prefer to miss out, rather than pursue a man who is not interested. The male population, on the other hand, will persistently chase after a woman even when she tells him to go to hell. It is all our fault, we like to play coy and challenge men to win us over. Everyone knows that telling a man it’s not going to happen is simply code for “please wink at me and talk nonstop until I jab a cocktail straw through my temple to drain the gray matter you are wasting with this pointless conversation.”
Without men like you, we wouldn’t know we are attractive and our whole reason for leaving the house would be thwarted. I know, that for me, a night never seems complete unless I have the opportunity to be a raging bitch to a man I barely know. Please talk to me despite my polite requests that you leave me in peace. I want to have this outlet for my frustration. Without your offensively overt advances, who would I get to vent to? You are helping me just by being there.
I am the first person to admit that I can be a bitch. Some days, it is true, being bitchy makes me feel better because I am not holding anything inside. When I am around strangers, however, this is not the case. I do not enjoy being bitchy just because I can. Men will push and push until your polite statements of flattered disinterest are not enough and you are instead required to flatly state that said offender makes you want to commit violent acts just to obtain a little peace.
Women aren’t bad people, or even that snobbish, we just don’t walk into every public place with intent to talk to and pick up a random bar patron. Hard to believe, but yes, I can ignore your charms. The best course of action for you, would be to man up and recognize (hopefully quite early on) that this relationship is not going to work and that you should instead, move it along, thus keeping your own ego and sanity in check. Do not torture yourself in the name of attracting females. Women don’t know what they want, we are flighty, and game-players, and clearly not seeing you as clearly as we should. You rock. Please forgive our bitchiness and inability to comprehend just how fantastic you actually are. We appreciate your patience.
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