Because I apparently love to write about addictions, today’s blog is about addiction therapy, specifically, ore to the point, the ever-popular 12-step program. I have a huge problem with the “steps.” From the outset, this program is biased and guaranteed to fail for the segment of society that does not believe in a higher power. The program is specifically designed so that each . . . stepper(?) must turn his or her life over to their higher power in recognition that they are not in control and helpless over their addiction. I have so many problems with this philosophy, but I also have issues with some aspects of group discussion as well. Let’s break it down, shall we?
First, let’s talk loss of control. Isn’t this concept a convenient little cop-out. So I get to behave badly, alienate friends and family, act irresponsibly, and generally cave in to self-destructive gluttony as long as I also acknowledge that it’s not my fault. I was acting under the influence of a disease. I am helpless to fight my own compulsions because I am powerless to stop them. Well, how fortuitous, when you feel a big weekend coming up. Silly, I can’t control my (insert bad behavior here), I am an addict. I just had to eat three large pizzas/drink a bottle of tequila/bang the rugby team/gamble the mortgage payment away I’m an addict!
Whatever happened to self-control? Are we no loner accountable for our own poor choices if there is an argument to be made for addiction? For that matter, wouldn’t we all like to be compulsive about some things? Painkillers are fantastic. The bottle of vicodin the doctor gave me for my migraines almost made me believe in God on a daily basis it felt so good. Vegas practically makes me want to sell my unfertilized eggs for the possibility of one more bet. Whiskey . . . well, what don’t I love about my beautiful caramelized friend? My point is that when you find something you love or do something that makes you feel good you want to keep doing it. We could all be addicts if it weren’t for a little think called self-control.
Blaming your actions on being helpless to stop them is like bashing your evil, annoying Stepfather in the head with a baseball bat because his skull was there and the bat was in your hand. Who are you to decide that your behavior is wrong and proactively make a decision to not do something destructive? It’s not your fault. It’s not like you have free will and are accountable for your actions. Oh wait, yes you are. In every aspect of life we are expected to tow the line and be a productive, law-abiding part of society. If I just get blind during a particularly devoted night at the pub no one is going to give me a pass the next day. I am still expected to fulfill my obligations, but if I am an addict it is beyond my control. I have a disease.
So fine, I have a disease, what’s next? Oh, the 12-step program. Okay, so I do this, this, and th—wait, what? Seven of the 12 steps are revolve around the acceptance, belief, and devotion to God or a Higher Power. I’m perfectly willing to ignore some glaring conflicts with the steps as written, but this God thing is killing me. So if I am an atheist and an addict, then what, I am just fucked? Come on, there isn’t anything you can do. There’s not some extra credit “I’m powerless” homework I can do to compensate for the God is the only thing that can save and fix me? This program sucks!
Here’s my favorite step, it’s number five: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Well hell, if I knew the exact nature of my wrongs I wouldn’t need this stinking program. Clearly I’m hear because I’m screwed up and have taken more than a few wrong turns. By the time I get to the point where I’ve got all that figured out isn’t the program pretty redundant? Also, if God is all knowing why do I need to admit anything to her? Shouldn’t God already know that I’m fucked up and why; do I really need to have that conversation laying it all out? I don’t know, I just don’t get it.
If it works for some people I’m glad, but it really scares me that if I do develop an addiction (and I hope it’s a fun one like to gambling or donuts) then am I just doomed because I do not believe in the higher power as it pertains to the steps? I am not a bad person just because I do not share mainstream beliefs, I certainly don’t think I should be doomed to suffer a life of uncured disease, but what choice do I have? Oh yeah, the choice to take responsibility and to hold myself accountable for my actions. We all have a choice; it’s just more difficult for some of us than others. For instance, I have difficulty not wanting to run the slow-moving idiots who consistently drive in the left lane off the road, getting out of my car and screaming at them, but I don’t. I make a deliberate choice to just flash my brights at them, scream from my car window and make rude gestures. Just because something is difficult does not mean you are powerless against it. Maybe you are just weaker or possibly because the destructive behavior always feels so good you don’t want to stop. Think about it, no one is ever addicted to unpleasurable things. You never see a 12 step program devoted to people who just can’t stop pumping gas in their cars, or waxing their bikini line, or talking to their in-laws (not you of course, Ma and Pa Bramlett). Shouldn’t addictions affect us in all sorts of behavioral ways and not just things that religious morality deems inappropriate or dangerous to your soul?
Lastly, the group discussions crack me up. For instance, a two-minute search online will describe meetings for sex addicts or sexaholics as they are sometimes called. These meetings are set up much the same as the typical substance abuse or gambling groups. A bunch of people sharing and admitting to the same behaviors sit in a room and recount their experiences. The best part, is that most of these meetings are mixed gender, although there do exist all female or male groups. So let me get this straight. I go to a meeting. I listen to other sexaholics talk about how they were out banging all weekend, busting a nut at every opportunity, and in every way imaginable. Then I get up (so to speak) and reveal my own out of control sexual antics and how I cannot resist the urge to open the vault to any willing takers. Hmmm. So, it’s kind of like a verbal porn? Seriously, isn’t this like having an open bar at an AA meeting? I’m in!
I am not belittling addiction or the recovery process. I am simply stating a much overlooked opinion that if one is not a believer in God or in the idea that one is not able to control one’s own impulses then there is no path to reform. I would like to believe that will power and self-awareness could be learned behaviors just as much as smoking pot is not a choice but an innate desire one cannot resist. We too readily buy into the addiction as disease argument without considering that possible, the disease isn’t the behavior, but the mindset that one is not strong enough or capable enough to be responsible. This is a more dangerous mindset in my opinion, for it weakens us as people and denies our most important right as human beings: free will.
i just had this discussion with some friends last week. someone proposed that perhaps people in need of 'the program' are in need of something to believe in anyway. to that i say bullshit. why not try believing in something that exists? you know, just off hand, an example that comes to mind would be Yourself! it often seems that post program the crack head who once stole from you winds up preaching the lord to you. nice way to switch one vice for another. the concept is baffling to me.
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