I am part of the walking dead or half-dead or just those that feel like they are half-dead. It’s this stupid cold. Every day I think this is the apex of my cold-dom and then I am surprised anew when on the following day it is worse still. For five days I have had increasing bouts of coughing, sneezing, headaches, runny nose, sore throat, loss of voice and a general ugliness about the face area. At this point I realize that my life has taken on a new set of priorities and they pretty much all consist of nouns.
My day starts like this: dead asleep dreaming about mullets to a wide awake coughing fit causing full body spasms that shake me so hard the blankets slide to the floor and my abs are sore as if from a workout. Then the mental discussion sets in. "Awake. Coughing. Shower. Ugh. Pajama pants. Robe. Cat. Sneezing. Shower. Couch. Juice. Pillow. Ugh. Coughing. TV. Cat. Tissue." On and on it goes for five days straight. I am so sick and exhausted at this point that adjectives, articles and most verbs are just gone from my vocabulary. How and why does this happen? I can type well enough, I mean most of what I’ve blogged the last several days has been in complete sentences, so why am I unable to communicate fully with myself? It is through this that I realize now just how fully I vary from normal people. Whereas I spend my time talking to myself in a ceaseless internal (and sometimes external, who am I kidding) monologue, other people realize that they are actually only one person and do not need to tell themselves things.
For instance, as a normal person you probably just think “juice” to yourself then go the fridge and pour yourself a glass. Not me. Oh no, in Ame-dom I have a discussion with myself first.
“Hmm. I’m thirsty and my throat hurts, I need a beverage.”
“What do you think, water, Cherry Zero, hot tea? What do you want?”
“I don’t know. Juice. Do we have any juice, I want juice.”
“Well, let’s amble over to the fridge and see what we’ve got, maybe there’s juice. Did you buy some at the store last time?”
This is my normal conversation WITH MYSELF. Apparently, this is not how the rest of you interact with yourself. In fact, I’ve been told that most people don’t really interact per se, because they recognize they are just one person and therefore you don’t need to “interact.” Whatever. I have always talked to myself and been willing to admit that, but it wasn’t until I got sick this week and started communicating with single words and without the discussion that I actually started to understand. I think I am so sick that my other voices are all out of commission. I’m hoping none of them have the swine flu; that would suck. I’m planning to rebound in a day or two and I’m going to need someone with whom to discuss that juice situation.
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