Saturday, December 12, 2009

Day 194: Who is Qualified to Judge Your Sex Life?

I am so sick of the Tiger Woods “story.” At this point, I don’t care about the actual facts or the gossip, I just want it to go away. What might also be nice, or at least beneficial in the way of achieving a break from the public bemoaning of Tiger’s personal life, is if a lot of those people would just go get laid themselves. What gives any of us the right to judge the personal and private affairs of another person? I don’t care if it’s your neighbor, your daughter or a celebrity. Back off people and mind your business.

I am not suggesting that what Tiger has admitted to and been alleged to have done is wise or admirable, what I am saying is that what he has or has not done is none of our damn business. All of the people suddenly down on Tiger or claiming to have always disliked him are not exactly helping his wife. Public speculation and even support on an extremely personal and humiliating experience is still likely to be unwelcome. In addition, we don’t know anything about their home life. Perhaps they had an arrangement. Perhaps Elin is gay or also cheating. Perhaps it’s not our place to speculate.

It appears that I am in the minority, because whenever I hear a story like this, be it Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods or a friend, I’m not that upset. Relationships are complicated and while we all want and crave love, sex is a necessity. Our bodies have a physiological response to someone we are attracted to because we are meant to bump and grind – biologically this is likely for procreation, but prophylactics do not mean you body needs it any less. Clearly, this should not be interpreted to mean that you should bang anyone you want despite being in a relationship, but it does make it more difficult for some more in tune with their sexuality. Not everyone views sex as the most heinous of transgressions when in a relationship. Sex is biological; fidelity is moral. Is it wrong because it is factually wrong, or because we have decided as a society that it is?

Clearly there were other problems going on in that household, evidenced most clearly by the fact that the wife was checking his phone which is a huge transgression of privacy. Another big tip to problems in the Woods’ household is the fact that Tiger did not just have an affair, he appears to have chased every skirt he came into contact with. They had problems, both reacted poorly. The heart of the matter, when it comes to the public’s outrage, is our moral and yes religious roots that tell us it is wrong and unfair that someone should get to have his cake and eat it too. Did Tiger betray his wife if she was not on board with him straying, yes. I do not argue the point, but I think we all need to stop using sex as a weapon. Gay sex is offensive to some people, kinky sex is offensive to some people, sex with oneself is offensive to some people. Why the hell is anyone else’s sex life even open to your scrutiny? Maybe your safe, boring, lifelong monogamy is offensive to me. Still not the point. It doesn’t matter if it is wrong, it matters that it’s not your place to judge.

If Tiger and his wife cannot get past this, it is their issue to debate, argue and ultimately act upon. The same is true of your sex life, because IT IS YOURS. Leave other people’s bedroom antics, infidelity and fetishes alone and focus on your own lives. No one is asking you to cheat or to accept or admire Tiger for his actions. You just need to recognize it as none of your concern and stop obsessively reading the gossip columns for tiny nuggets of truth hidden in vats of slimy trash. I doubt you want me in your bedroom judging your habits and trust me, your delicate little hearts couldn’t take mine.

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