It constantly amazes me that we are able to get along as well as we do in society given all of the varied opinions, belief systems and moral outrage. I know we hear more about how we don’t get along and those conflicts are what make headlines, but when you really think about it, we coexist on a mostly peaceful level with friends, neighbors and family members. I do love a healthy debate and admit to being the first to point out injustice and intolerance, as well as cast judgment and generalizations, but now I’m taking on a positive note and looking at the beauty inherent in embracing one another despite our differences. ‘Tis the season, after all.
I think it is a testament to the human spirit and the intensity of our instinctual need to love and to share with our peers that we are able not just to tolerate, but to accept one another despite varying beliefs and ideology. The husband pointed out that my continually putting myself out there on sensitive topics might start doing more harm than good. I have already lost one job because of my blog and future upsets of people’s delicate sensibilities might start affecting our bottom line even more. I am looking to open a bake shop within the next 2 years, what happens to my customer base if prospective customers decide against my delicious treats due to something they read on Facebook or my blog? For that matter, what about if my strong opinions and willingness to publish them affect not just me, but my husband?
At what point is it okay to shut your mouth and even compromise a bit for the good of your bank account? Jeff is a military officer and should he rise to Colonel or higher, opinions of fellow officers sometimes take officer associations into account. I could very well end up being that opinionated loudmouth who negatively affects his promotion. He is too kind to say so of course, but I’m not that naïve about the world or the military leadership, to not see the truth. For now, I am just trying to sort out my place and after a couple of decades of not revealing too much of my true self, I am coming to it late. I always had opinions and a mouth, but I substituted political or sexual discussions for anything that might actually reveal my emotional center. This was my defense mechanism and it meant that no matter how anyone judged me I could rationalize that they were only judging my public face, not my true self.
Since beginning this journey of self back in June, however, I have made a real effort to put not just my opinions, but my heart on the line. It is potentially dangerous and hurtful, but necessary. I understand that as a business owner I will need to reign it in and I am comfortable doing so, but right now I need this for myself. It has really been uplifting to know that friends out there who I am fundamentally different from are still willing to keep a connection. (I’m going to mention a few names now, so if you read this and want me to remove you let me know.) While your extreme conservativism and love of all things Ann Coulter makes me almost physically ill Steve, I love that you continue to indulge in a humorous dialogue with me knowing how opposite we are in political beliefs. Shauna, you read my blog and appear to be a deeply invested family woman and Christian and yet you have never judged me for what I write and even go so far as to say nice things. Colleen, we could not be more different in our approaches to life and yet there is a kinship and emotional sisterhood there that makes me love and respect you and I hope you feel the same way.
All of you who continue to see value in being friends – at least through the safe distance of FB – I appreciate that you are open-minded and have not cut me off yet, despite my own lapses now and again when it comes to accepting differences. It is something I continue to struggle with and I hope that you will hang with me while I continue on my journey trying to become a better and more tolerant person. I’m not as obnoxious as I sometimes come off and while I may not take it well right off the bat, you are always welcome to tell me what you think and sometimes even that I need to shut up. Ultimately, we are all souls of the universe and underneath it all I just want to be liked and a chance to be your friend.
I have to disagree a bit to your notion that we all get along despite our differences. Very few people can have a healthy debate and hold onto respect for one another. It is my observation that people have their hot button issues. Those one or two injustices that determine their vote, their profession, their social circles and their lifestyle. And their worlds are colored by these opinions. Even if their issue is to NOT have any polarizing views that separate them from others, that in itself is divisive. There are people that will take offense to a lack of side-taking, just as there are those that will judge you according to the side with which you affiliate.
ReplyDeleteTake for example abortion. Not an easy topic in any circle. I'm not for it. I believe that it ends a life. Would I go so far as to call it murder? Don't know...I don't want to think about that. I would always advise against it in even the most desperate situations, but I wouldn't judge you for making the choice. I'd pray for you. I don't vote based on my opinion, and I try to deflect conversation exposing my lack of passion so that I don't offend. Here's the deal. People die everyday. I think we all have a purpose on this earth, and when we've fulfilled it, we get to move on. Maybe an aborted baby came to open his mother's heart, and that was achieved with his death. I happen to believe in life after death, so I don't hold death as the largest threat. (unless my husband leaves me with four kids) Sometimes life in horrible circumstances is the greater tragedy. I feel worse for the mothers who choose abortion and then live the rest of their life with guilt and regret. (For those that don't think twice, I imagine that there will be karmic consequences for inattentive actions.)
But see, in sharing my opinion, unless you agree with me, you are now angry. I obviously am missing the point to have such an open-ended position on a life and death discussion. But that is my point! We all have issues that are not of blood-boiling concern. So following my example, I can hang with you whether you are pro life or women's rights. I hear you. I can disagree with you, but ultimately, we can be friends. But hit me where I really feel it, and you might find me less accommodating. I must admit I now have a less friendly attitude for my (dumb hick) neighbors who didn't vote for the school bond because their property taxes might go up 50 bucks a year and they don't have kids. (I have four.) I think less of people who send their kids to shitty schools as a 'sacrifice' for their wanting to live in this beautiful area. I tend to judge the people at the grocery store paying for cheap cheese with WIC and then paying cash for cigarettes (everyone deserves a bottle of wine here and there, so I don't mind that). I think fat people who eat McDonalds are uneducated, and I won't eat there on sheer principle of being 'like that'.
I like you Ame. AND/but your issues are not mine. I have opinions on them, but honestly I find your war-cry on certain veniculars to be more interesting than enraging. I enjoy the verbal sport, as do you. And I know you well enough to trust that I can take issue with you without offending you personally because you are attempting to challenge everyone to speak with more conscience, including yourself. You are asking for debate. But those are your rules of engagement. At this point in our relationship, I'm actually curious as to where that line of irrevocably damage might be for our friendship. (Perhaps we'll discuss that sometime over wine...) Because every relationship has that line. And as we evolve on our life journey, most of us find that our values are priorities shift with life experience. At any given moment there are people that we value enough to NOT offend (for whatever reason, be it love, finances, children, ambition, moral ambiguity or whatever) and we must balance those with the issues for which we are called to fight.