Day 324: Juggling Was Never My Thing

I had a random guy at a bar last year tell me that he could tell I was old because of my hands. I’m not sure if he just wanted to ruin my night or perhaps thought it was some way to strike up a conversation, but either way it did not go over well – for me or for him. I realize that to a certain extent we all judge and are judged by appearances, which is why I spend so much time slathering on lotion and skin care products. I even worry about the aging effects the sun and free radicals can have on my hair, but that night I realized that no matter what you do, you’re always going to let something slide.

Everything in life is like this, in my opinion. You work a job, do the laundry, clean the house, take care of yourself, pay the bills and then realize you forgot to get an oil change for the last nine months and now your engine is locked up. I think we all need an admin to help us track the daily activities in our life as well as the special events. How can any one person keep up with life and friends and family?

This is one of the reasons I’ve always been somewhat selfish with my time. I hate to plan things in advance because who knows what mood I’m going to be in when the day rolls around and I’m not into tons of friends because they all require effort. It’s probably no secret why kids were never a priority, but I do feel like I can be a caring friend, wife and family member just maybe more one on one. There is only so much time and effort I’m willing to devote to anything in life, the rest I reserve for myself. Sometimes that means I don’t wash my hair, my nails look like crap, and my hands make me look twenty years older. Other times, it means I stay in more than I’d like because I hate to make plans and by the time I roll around to wanting to go out everyone else is busy.

I’ve never been the popular girl with loads of social engagements and it’s not because I don’t want them, I just don’t know how to balance my love of alone time with the rest of the world. I am trying to get better about this and make a real effort with those people and things in my life that are important. I sometimes think maybe I have too much downtime and that keeps me from planning and organizing. That may not make much sense, but for all those friends and family that I know who juggle demanding jobs, multiple children, hobbies and social engagements I’m sure you get it. Those people are organized and they somehow fit more in their day than I do in a week. I may never get the hands of my youth back, but maybe I can find the drive to get a full life back.