I can be a bit overly sensitive. For all the hype about my aggressive and confrontational personality, I am also an emotional mess with the fortitude of a three-year-old. I take things way too personally, way too often and it really kind of sucks. At the same time, as much as I get my feelings hurt I also get irritated just as easily. Make me repeat myself more than once or ask me the same question multiple times and you’re likely to find yourself victim to my rapier-like tongue. I have a short fuse and I know it, but I also am of the opinion that if you know I anger easily and I’m not exactly the best at changing for the better, than you have no one to blame when you piss me off and get an earful.
I know I have a big mouth and unfortunately for my target du jour, I also have a wicked sense of sarcasm that seems to only get sharper when I’m angry. Last night’s blog was me airing out some grievances and it was unfair to a lot of people, including the husband. He’s not so happy with my need to be honest in a public forum and I’m not so happy that I now need to apologize. Harsh as it may have been, it was honest. Self-indulgent, absolutely, but I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. So yes, maybe I don’t have as many friends as I once did because I am unable to staunch the flow of my big mouth, but at least I’m real.
It sucks on those days that I feel lonely and let down by those around me, but those days really aren’t all that frequent, despite how my blog yesterday might have made it sound. So I got pissed and took it out on those people that are in my life, but feel absent from it. Sue me, I’m human with all the feelings and complexities that go with it. I don’t feel anything different than what you feel, I just have the tits to express those feelings. It’s not so easy being a woman who doesn’t pull punches, it’s certainly not making me any friends and if I continue to hemorrhage them at the current rate, it’s going to be a long, cold summer.
I should be sorry for pissing off the husband and my friends. I should be, but I’m not. This is just who I am and it’s always been me, I just didn’t have a forum to express it on a bigger platform until now. I am an obnoxious, over-emotional, sensitive, insecure bitch and anyone that thinks a relationship with me is not going to entail these things is lying to him or herself. Which is pretty funny when you think about it, because I’m the one stressing honesty and yet to be friends with me, you apparently need to believe in things that simply are not true.
So am I sorry for yesterday’s whiny outburst? Sure. I am sorry for being so weak and selfish as to air my dirty laundry publicly, but I am not going to apologize for thinking those things. As far as I am concerned, every word I wrote is the truth. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and it sucks that I put myself out there as such a lonely loser at times, but I can’t say any of the things I was feeling are not true for me. I do think the husband gives 110% to his job and during the week there isn’t much left for anyone else. I do think my friends here aren’t the kind I’ll carry in my heart when I leave and I do really want to move on soon. Sue me. I am a real person and I have real emotions about all the real things that happen to me. I am no different from you in that respect except that I am brave enough to acknowledge them and make myself look like an asshole publicly. If my real friends were as great as my Facebook friends I think I’d be a lot less lonely, that’s just the way it is. If you don’t like it, I don’t know what to tell you.
I love it!
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