Day 107: If No Was My First Word, Why Do I Want to Say Yes So Much?

Experience holds different value for different people. Do you travel to exotic locations with your extra cash or invest it? Does having a house with nice furniture and two expensive cars in the driveway make you salivate or do you prefer to live a little leaner so you can eat and drink your way through the four stars of your town? Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with my own propensity for experience over possessions. There is never a time when I am at a friend’s home appreciating what they have that I don’t doubt my love of travel, wine, sports, and good food. I spend a lot of money on things that leave no real trace beyond my memories.

Life experience holds a high value for me, too high in some ways. I suppose my quest for trying new things and my inability to say no to opportunities has led me down some questionable paths. I could have taken the high school to college to career track, I could have taken the dating to married to parent track, but I like to meander a bit. Opportunities are around every corner and when confronted with the chance to go somewhere, do something, or move someplace I almost always say yes. Pretty funny for a woman who tried my entire young adult life to teach my own Mother how to say no to people.

I’m no doormat, I can say no, as anyone who has met me will likely testify. Still, when given the choice to jet off for the weekend to someplace new it rarely occurs to me that I should stop and consider. Of course these choices do not always gel with relationships, employment, and other commitments and I have felt the heat my decisions have brought many times. It’s hard to explain to a boyfriend that you want to go whitewater rafting with someone you just met and 17 of his friends because they have an open spot.

One of the most difficult aspects of being in a committed relationship for me, is the fact that it limits my ability to say yes to things I otherwise might want to do. No potential opportunity holds greater value than my marriage, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. This is not a philosophy that makes my husband happy and I’m sure I will hear about it once he reads this blog. Even so, it’s truth and it’s me. So yes, a part of me would love a yard, a dog, a big nest egg and maybe even a child. Then again, a part of me would love to be a porn star, a biker babe, or a relief worker in a third world country. Like all things, enjoying new experiences is a careful balance and you have to pick and choose the ones that hold the most value for you.

In the end, I can’t say I regret, though there are definitely days when having a house or stability might be nice. Then again, it’s hard to take a spur of the moment road trip or decide to do a single malt taste on a Wednesday afternoon when you’ve got a job and kids. I live the way I have always lived, by the seat of my pants and I like it that way. Luckily, I found a man and made a life for myself that tolerates my wanderlust, for the most part. There are still those days when my intentions meet the raised eyebrow of my partner, but it never takes more than a “Really, Esterline?” before I readjust my game plan or at least modify it a bit.