Day 347: Gravity is Sometimes a Very Good Thing

I have a song running through my head that is a melancholy tune about love and loss. For three days I have been singing, humming and listening to this song without a clear sense of why I am so fixated. Today I think I found the answer and it was not what I expected.

The sad love song is a goodbye to a life that I used to live. I have been a mostly unhappy person throughout my adolescence and adult life. Love affairs gone wrong, friendships betrayed, loss of life, and a general sort of ugh factor that seems to follow me about. The last two years have been especially difficult. The husband and I have been through some incredibly trying times. I’ve heard people say that when times are tough it either pulls two people apart or pushes them together. Well, it did both to us and now, finally, I feel that life is as it should be again. We are strong and united and that sad love song in my head? It’s the end of the sad love stories of my life.

This week I said goodbye to an apartment that was never Jeff’s and that never felt like he was a part of it. Moving into this new space that we found and planned for together was a catharsis for all the leftover pain and issues we’d been dragging around for two years. I am a lucky woman. I found a man who understands me, and what’s more, he understands that as long as you have love and a desire to keep working, you have a chance. We saved ourselves through each other and now I get to say goodbye once again to the music of heartbreak and to focus instead, on positive and upbeat.

The feelings I have now are so similar to the ones I had when we first met. I am hopeful and a little foolish. All relationships and marriages have trying times and ours was no worse or better, but what we always manage to maintain is our love for one another. No one is keeping me down and that gravity I feel, is a joyful tumbling into the best phase of my life. We are not always aware when we are lucky or experiencing something that will change our lives in a wonderful way, but this time I am fully aware and I get to experience happiness as it unfolds. So thanks for running through my mind Sara Bareilles, but I don’t need you anymore, I got the message and I think I’ll embrace my gravity.