We all know men and women communicate differently. In close relationships, this difference tends not to be such a big deal because we learn how to compensate. A wife for instance realizes early on that her husband never listens to her and so begins acting as she wishes and claiming later "I told you about this last week, don't you remember"? Of course the guy's way of communicating involves just agreeing, "Oh, yeah. I must have forgotten. Sorry" because he'd rather suck it up, then to actually have to have a discussion about it. They may not be communicating in the way couples are expected to, but they develop a method that works for them and no one gets divorced or shot. But what happens when you do not know the other person well and issues of communication create a huge problem? Do you face it and try to work it out or bail? And whose fault is it, anyway?
I am the type of person that believes in seizing an opportunity. If someone invites you for a weekend away and you have no reason not to go, then I say jump on it. When that someone is an ex or slightly melodramatic and possibly crazy, however, you might want to slow your roll and think it through. In this case, BC is the type of girl who, after having lived in a new town all of six weeks claims to be disappointed that she "hasn't found someone yet." Found someone for what? Housecleaning? Massage therapy? Hide and seek? The whole concept of it taking only six weeks or less to find someone significant enough to not just be casually bumping, but in an actual relationship is absurd to me. Sure it happens, but not when you're looking for it. Was this girl never 16? You can't desperately hunt down love, that is one prey that needs to come to you when it's ready and confident that you're not a crazy, melodramatic love sniper.
Anywho, so DB comes to visit and within the first hour they hook up, which he later blames on her. Apparently she seduced him and he just couldn't resist. Total Douchebag. Later that same evening finds me out with this lovely non-couple and some friends. This is the first evening I have met either and yet, within two hours I have BC telling me that two days ago DB proposed and now he's ignoring her entirely, then DB tells me completely different story. Now, I'm all for a good story now and again, but I am a stranger, why are you people telling me all your personal shit the first night I meet you. Not to mention, it's Friday at 10:30pm , this is way too much drama for so early into the weekend. Oh, and by the way, what's your name again "Mr. and Mrs. I've know you for all of five effing minutes"?
Why do we do this to ourselves? How do we create a scenario in our heads that is so far from the truth. Clearly both stories these two vomited forth cannot be true, but I'm not even sure one or both is even lying on purpose. After listening to them both for much longer than I wanted to and watching them sit at the same table and text each other rather than speak out loud, I'm pretty sure it's all about the communication. So then I must ask, how you get to a point that you're not just misinterpreting what someone is saying to you, it's more like you speak an entirely new language. In this case, the languages are "I'm desperate for a man to love me, even if it's only for a weekend" and "Everyone thinks I'm gay, but I'm not, so I will use you for a weekend to prove it."
Yeah, my night pretty much sucked, but for a rousing karaoke rendition of Ray Charles's "I've Got a Woman" sung by my friend. The rest of the time it was War of the Roses except these two thorns in my side were not only not married, they hadn't dated for years. Still, BC claims DB popped the question two days ago. A claim I might find impossible to believe if DB himself hadn't told me repeatedly, that it's not his fault, he doesn't operate that way and he's not going to lose sleep over what she thinks. WTF? That's not how he operates? Because communicating your intentions clearly and not taking advantage of someone's feelings is pointless? I don't know who proposed what to whom, but I do know that these two couldn't have an open and honest conversation under any circumstances.
The reason why such a conversation isn't possible, however, is no longer because they will not stop ignoring one another long enough to do so, it's because they genuinely each think that their own side of the story is the correct one. She says: "You should come check out my town for a weekend and hang out with me and my roommate." He hears, "hey come use my place as a hotel and sleep with me for kicks while you're here." Whereas, he says: "I'd love to visit and may even consider moving there in a year when my job changes. I've heard it's a fun town." What she actually hears, however, is: "I think we made a mistake, I want to be with you and think maybe this is worth me moving here to be with you."
Are we just all stupid or so desperate to infer what we want to hear from others, that somehow we actually manipulate our brains into thinking that is what was said? I don't know what really went down with these two, but after watching them ignore one another for an entire evening, except for when they were texting across the table, I don't care. They did prove to me that in some way, we are all able to both completely misinterpret the intentions of another, while simultaneously allowing ourselves to believe what we want. In the end, BC booked DB on a flight out first thing the next morning and so he will spend less than 24 hours of a planned 72 in town. The best part, is that since neither ever discussed what really happened, they will each go on believing that they are right and the other is crazy. Maybe it's no one's fault, but perception and reality are not the same thing, just as hearing and listening aren't either.
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