Sometimes when you make a mistake, you don't realize it until after the fact. So if, for instance, I painted my nails gold after seeing the color at Sephora and thinking it was fun and different, I may not realize that in actuality I look like a stripper until it's too late. This type of mistake is born from my bad choices on my part certainly, but also because I have always had guy friends and not too many female friends. Guys don't tell you if you look like a stripper, in fact, they kinda like it. No female friend, however, would have ever let me leave the house with gold nail polish. So it is through something so small as nail color that I realize, finally, the importance of female friends.
Guy friends have their benefits. Unlike women, men don't like drama, they don't say things they don't mean, and they always appreciate it when you look nice. Women are masters of duplicity. We talk behind our friends' backs, we judge what each other wear, we're even secretly pissed if we don't look as cute as our friend when we go out. Women are complex and navigating the tricky waters of female friendship often requires a combination of diplomacy and cattiness that I simply do not possess. I am a tell it like it is girl and it's lost me some friends, but men usually appreciate that about me.
I don't really get women and never have. I know what people think about women who don't have female friends and it's not really the case with me. I've had female friends, just not a lot of them and I find they are harder to make than guy friends. I would love to know more women, but women tend not to like me and I'm not sure why. I think I make them uncomfortable. I don't apologize for being a strong personality; I don't apologize for having a big mouth; I don't apologize (anymore) for having tits. I have been told I can be intimidating and while sometimes I do it on purpose, most of the time I don't realize it and I don't mean it.
Maybe the problem is that I grew up a tomboy and as an adult I love sports, I drink whiskey, I swear like a truck driver and I think chicks are hot. Hell, I even call them chicks. So I am comfortable with my guy friends, but I need female companionship to save me from myself. Girls will go shopping with you and tell you the truth. Girls will help you get ready and give you advice on your hair and your shoes and they will tell you when your nail color makes you look like a stripper. Guys on the other hand, will either ignore or not notice these things and then ask you if you can hook them up with the hot blond at the bar. They are two different worlds.
I'm not sure if knowing that I need more girl friends is going to actually aid in my ability to make them, but I guess it can't hurt. The other problem with being a woman my age in search of friends is that all the other women have families and tend not to socialize as much. I can't tell you the last time I went to a movie with a female friend or had a drink. They have to make dinner, put the kids to bed, and do whatever else Moms do. Guys, even when they have families still make time to go out. They prioritize a little differently and feel having time with their friends is as important as time with the family, and why is that so bad?
Then again, a guy friend won't always go shopping with you or just chill with a bottle of wine while listening to you bitch about your life. Women may have different priorities, but their friendship is more about caring, than bar-hopping. So if I'm out with a guy friend and mention that I just realized I look like a stripper, he is as likely to help me onto the bar while encouraging me to do a dance than he is to reassure me. A good female friend will not only try to make me feel better, but she will whip out a lovely shade of pink polish from her purse, for a quick touch-up. Men might accept me as I am, but it's probably because they don't really care as long as you're up for another round.
Don't do it. Soul mates are few and far between whether they are lovers or friends. I can count on one hand who are truly my friends and have my best interest at heart, and who don't see me as an accessory, a doormat, a 'helper', someone to pass the time in purgetory/hell with (3-7 p.m. w/ children). Most women I know just don't like to go to the bathroom themselves, and thus relationships are born and continue out of usefulness, not true connection. Even if there is a spark, a soul-recognition, ulimately, women have their own agenda.
ReplyDeleteI will say, with no 'profiling' intended, that some of my best friends have been gay men. It's not like you can take out a personal ad for 'gay man girlfriend' needed, but maybe you can. Gay men need girlfriends too. Just like you, some of them understand that chicks are hot--but have no desire to seduce them into sexual relationships, gold nail polish is never a good idea--I would have simply refused to sit at your table, and socialization is key to mental health.
So don't overrate female friendships.If you were meant to have more, you would. Trying to fit in with women who are not a nature fit requires selling your soul, sense of humor and moral tolerance to satan who is standing by at all times just so he can watch you second guess everything that comes out of your mouth, lower your self-esteem and learn to apologize for anything and everything. Oh, and most women only want conversation so they can dump their shit on you. So if you've thought it through and still decide you want more girlfriends, then get a shirt that says 'good listener' on the front and "dumping ground" on the back. You'll never be alone again.