Day 78: Getting Down to my Soft, Gooey Center

Today's blog will be short, because I am sans internet and writing from my iPhone, which already puts me at a disadvantage because I'm just not that tech savvy.

I reconnected with another old friend tonight. It has been ten years since we really hung out and I was nervous about it. She is one of those magnificently open people who just exudes warmth and positivity. In other words, completely opposite from how I come across. We talked a lot, drank some, and reminisced throughout the night. What struck me most, however, was our discussion about the core of a person. I am pretty aware of the fact that my personality was set somewhere around age two. I am who I am and while I often find myself doubting the impression I made on new people, I still recognize who I am and what is natural for me. I tend to quote a Wallflowers song (don't judge me) that says "I haven't changed, but I know I'm not the same" to sort of describe being the same at the core, despite natural growth and personality tweaks.
My friend helped me realize that it is our core, that innermost part of our personality -- call it a soul or spirit if you prefer -- that connects most strongly with other people. It is not simply a matter of liking this person, it was always more about a part of me craving who she is at her core. That kind of connection is not something you can fake or work at, it either happens or it doesn't and when it does, ten years can pass and yet you are still friends, still connected. We all find ourselves periodically drawn to a particular person, be it friendship or love, just as we often work diligently at creating relationships only to realize later, that a real bond just cannot be forged.
What I learned tonight, is that I never really had a choice. I did not choose to like this woman or to be friends with her. There was just something within me that recognized something within her. I need to be her friend because that part of myself that defines who I am wants her to be a part of it. If only all things in life were this simple and clear cut, maybe then I'd actually have my act together.