Some days I’m just all fired up. Today is one of those days. Well, that’s not entirely true, I was normal (for me) most of the day, but tonight is a different story. I got myself worked up after going through old files, old writings, and old emails. Now I have so many different thoughts and tangents swirling through my brain that I can hardly focus. I have started no fewer than three separate blogs for today’s posting and I am still unsettled on what to write.
After dredging through random letters I kept for reasons currently unclear to me, I discovered a pattern I find both amusing and annoying: my writing skills are at their sharpest when I am angry at the intended recipient of said letter or email. Perhaps it is that my naturally rapier sharp sarcasm has no need to be tempered by common decency. I can be as cutting and clever as my injured wit will allow and usually that is pretty good if I do say so myself. I am never funnier than when arguing and often, in the midst of a screaming match with my first real relationship of my early 20’s I would stop mid-fight to beg for an acknowledgement that though incredibly cruel my last comment was witty. Turns out, this is not a good tactic to employ if you are hoping for a quick reconciliation to your argument. Oh well, live and learn.
These days I do not fight so much. The husband and I get along well and when we do disagree it is a short-lived affair and I do not have the desire of my youth to insult and berate my loved one – even if he deserves it. Isn’t maturity wonderful? Tonight, what I found was a series of biting statements buried within the bodies of letters clearly written under duress. So now that I am a happier, more positive woman will I lose my wit? What happens when I no longer have the cynical chops necessary to craft a statement that weaves an insult about a person’s poor grammar, unattractive lover, redneck lifestyle, and questionable dental hygiene all into one cleverly biting sentence? Will I even be able to respect myself when I constantly choose the high road?
Being positive is a lot more work than I thought it would be and if my written and verbal parrying is going to suffer I’m not sure I am up for it. How does one defend oneself in this increasingly complex world without a bit of wittily worded sarcasm intended to ward off the blows of his or her adversary? For that matter, do people not have adversaries anymore? I must say that I am in danger of getting along with everyone I currently know. Perhaps I need to get out there and acquaint myself with people to whom I will inevitably dislike or want to offend or maybe I’m just so soft and easy-going that such people no longer exist for me. I am quite sure that Ann Coulter and I would have no trouble sparring, but short of that maniacally evil, extremist bitch (in my opinion), perhaps there is no one left for me to deftly castrate emotionally with my words.
Some days I miss who I used to be, but I guess I will always have the letters and emails to look back fondly on the sarcastic girl who could render an opponent speechless from sheer sarcastic genius. Also, I would just like to add that in recent years it has become less fun to be wittily cruel as the man I am most likely to turn my verbal or written weapon on is Jeff and as my Grams recently pointed out, he is such a great guy. Sometimes though Grams, it sucks to be with a saint, because when you find yourself talking smack instead of the self-congratulatory feeling I used to get at being so clever, I understand feel guilty because I know I’m just a bitch and he’s still great. Being an adult takes a lot of fun out of life sometimes.
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