Tonight I sat up with an old friend and her husband drinking and talking. Funny how some things you think are private or taboo just become ordinary parts of the conversation. I realize I have little to zero filter, but it’s rare that I run into another woman who is my equal in that regard, and I have to say that it is refreshing. There are certain things that I can talk about for hours that put other people on edge. Topics include such gems as religion, politics, and sex. In an ordinary party environment these are often conversation killers despite my vigor and eagerness to discuss. Luckily with this group I was not ostracized, I was welcomed.
There are certain people in the world you just connect with for whatever reason and while I don’t have may casual friends, I do seem able to seek out those special few that not only accept me, but welcome it. These friends fall into this category. I have no doubt that they are judging me even as I type this, I mean, I have a big mouth and never fail to speak my opinion, but even so, I feel that some people can still judge you and accept you at the same time. I like those types of people, hell, I am those types of people.
It is rare that you spend an evening with someone outside of your spouse and manage to cover childbirth, the female cycle, anal sex, lesbianism, sports, and Star Trek. Thank God they also fed me dinner or else I’d feel cheap. The reality of such a conversation is that it is real. The topics may vary depending on the night, the company, or the wine, but the overarching context is that you embark upon a conversation that seeks to hide nothing except what you choose to keep hidden. How much would you tell, if a candid conversation about your belief system, marriage, or sex life suddenly came to pass?
I’m not the most open person in the world, I still have plenty of secrets no one knows, but I also realize the value of friends who will open up their own closets and dish a little dirt. These people are flawed, but they are real and they only care that you connect in a real way. Shameful how rare that actually is. True, we all get drunk or overtired now and again and say too much, but to consciously divulge personal information is a different thing. I love these friends for there openness and acceptance. Sure, there are tons of things I don’t know and that they’d never tell, but that in itself is telling. Where do we draw the line? If you can discuss your politics and your sex life, then what is left as private? It is exactly in this gray area that we learn the core of who a person is. It’s not what we’re willing to tell, it’s what we’re not saying that matters.
I never expect other people to be as open or willing to discuss intimate details of there life as I am. That’s my thing and I accept that I am different in some ways and a little crazy in others. That’s cool, I can only be who I am. So I sometimes tell too much, but even so, if you dig deeper you will discover a treasure trove of information you never even thought to look for, because we are all deeper than we appear. No amount of sex talk or hairspray or swearing can betray the truth of a soul. For that, you actually have to put in the time and get to know someone. Luckily for me, I’m a really good judge of character and while I often do more talking than listening, I always manage to find good people.
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