Let’s talk about navigating the tricky and sometimes dangerous waters of opposite sex friends. I say tricky and dangerous for a few reasons. There is the issue of keeping the friend line secure and not crossing it, then there is the sometimes sticky concern of even having opposite gender friends when you are in a relationship or marriage and finally you have to constantly let it be known to prospective suitors that you are strictly friends so as not to damage chances of a hook-up. Once you lay it all out it seems almost too exhausting to bother. Then again, friends of the opposite sex can be incredibly rewarding in an altogether different way than your other friends. I have always had guy friends and the husband has respected it, but what I am now trying to balance is how to have single guy friends and not get in their way.
I am a greedy woman by nature. I like to be the center of attention and I prefer not to feel like the third wheel. Accordingly, I am not a wallflower when out with friends and this sometimes causes difficulties if a guy friend is trying to make a move on a girl or vice versa and I’m insinuating myself into the conversation. Add to this the fact that I tend not to have unattractive friends. I do not specifically have a no uglies policy, but all of my friends, male or female, have been attractive throughout my life. They have been of varying heights and weights, but basically attractive. So when you have hot friends of the opposite sex it only makes sense that you want them to only put the moves on people you deem to be attractive. It is bad for my ego if I’m out with a guy friend and he decides that rather than hang with me, he’s going to try to hook up with the semi-attractive girl a few stools over. I mean, what the hell, you’d seriously rather try to hook up with a marginally attractive girl than have a stimulating, drunken conversation with me?
It’s the ego. I am an arrogant woman in addition to the selfishness thing. I realize I do not offer the benefits of a single girl, but still, I hope I’m more stimulating just because I’m smart, entertaining and not completely unattractive. This is the difference between men and women friends. Women take everything as a judgment. I completely understand and will even help you land the hot chick, but don’t throw me over for someone who my dog wouldn’t hump. Still, it’s not all about that. Sometimes I find myself almost apologizing for being friends with a guy when I can tell a girl likes him. She gives me little looks trying to size me up, deciding if I am competition or not. So there I am, blatantly showing off my wedding ring, gratuitously telling stories about my husband, politely inquiring about her. In all honesty, I could care less about her and I don’t want my friend to hook up with her. I want my guy friends to show undying devotion to me and to forego their personal lives to assuage my selfish ego.
This is not the way the world works of course, and though I am selfish, I also care about my friends. I am a good wingwoman and will help them get the girl. Just because I’d rather have a devoted husband and devoted guy friends who chose celibacy just for the chance to talk to me does not mean I am blind to reality. This still leaves a difficult path, however, in that at some point the guy friends will meet a girl and then he won’t want to be my guy friend so much. He’ll chose his girl over me and then, there goes my ego. I still think guy friends are easier than women friends, but at some point the girl gets the guy and she doesn’t like me doing shots with her man. Not all that sure the husband likes that either, but after five years he’s learned when something is worth a fight and when to just roll his eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment