Day 181: Drunken Antics Mean I am Normal

I am drunk. Not a little bit drunk, or I shouldn't have driven home drunk, but very, very out of control drunk. Just this minute I actually got out of bed because I realized I had yet to write my blog. Despite the objections of my husband and the extreme difficulty I am facing in attempting to correctly spell words in my blog I am awake and typing. I had a great night, dinner with the husband and then drinks and karaoke with friends, but now I find that I over did it somehow. What is it about alcohol that makes us want to push past any known boundary and create our own danger zone?

I had a great time tonight and do not regret a moment of it, but I recognize that tomorrow I will be singing a different tune when I am hungover and stuck in bed. It has been a while since I let myself get drunk, but now that the husband is home it felt safe somehow. This in itself is strange since he has been drunk twice already, but both times I volunteered to be the designated driver. Tonight, however, we were out with my friends and I let myself go wherever the alcohol took me and it just so happened that it took me way over the edge. I believe there is a certain truthfulness in drunkeness, but you must also temper that with your own reality. Obviously what helps one person might not be the same for the other. Still, I feel fairly confident that my friends tonight were not trying to advance their own agenda. I have had a few friends that I gave all of myself to and it didn't work out, but their are some that continue to linger despite constant changes.

We all allow ourselves a lapse in judgement now and again, but what is important is that we don't give away everything to just anyone. For all my boasting about drinking, I actually do not drink that much and when I do I am extremely careful about who I drink around. If I am too drunk to drive I prefer to walk and if I can't walk I'd rather stay with a friend than rely on a taxi. Even so, we don't always have the best judgement when we are drunk so I'd like to spend my last minute of consciousness (because I feel the blackout coming on) telling all those I've drank with and relied upon how much I appreciated it. I am a control freak, but we all have our limits so if you have called me a cab, put me up at your place or taken me home, thank you.

I like to think I have excellent instincts and I cannot honestly say that anyone I have ever befriended has turned out to be a bad egg, but still, it's nice to know that you can count on someone. Tonight that person happened to be my husband and it felt so good for that to be true again. I am drunk. I will likely pass out within the next five minutes and tomorrow I will be horribly hungover and sick, but even so, what I really long for is a safe place. I know Jeff won't judge me for being drunk, but it makes me wonder how many others will or might. I do not have a drinking problem, I have a tolerance problem. I just cannot seem to tolerate most people when I am drunk. So let me have my fun and we'll get back to the seriousness later.