Day 265: I Saw a Little Inspiration While I Was Running Past

Can you ever truly outlive your mistakes? We can work to make up for them or try to learn from them, but no matter what we do we can never erase them. Poor judgment is a factor in all of our lives at some point; no one is perfect and life throws a lot of curves and heartache our way. How we react is supposed to be the measure of our character, but if we all make mistakes does that mean we’re all bad people? I think the fact that everyone takes a turn at the screw-up booth means we’re human and while we may not be able to completely forget our mistakes, we can outrun them.

These days I stick to the little mess-ups in life. My natural sense of “this is what I feel/want/think at this moment and I will say or do whatever I want because of it” tends to be slightly obnoxious. I have currently had a headache for five days. The husband was here for the weekend (we have a commuter marriage) and despite him almost cutting his earlobe off Friday, being tired from working 18 hour days and having to drive six hours roundtrip for two days together, I bitched about my own ailment. Whatever that thing is that some people possess making them generous, unselfish souls . . . well, I think I kind of missed it on some levels.

I have a cousin who has suffered her own hardships and trials in life, but she is the most positive and giving person you can imagine. She could be in the midst of having her arm ripped off by a rabid dog and she would ask how you are and why you look a bit blue. I joke about Denise’s perpetual cheer and optimism, but really, where would the world be without people like Bernie (D’s nickname)? She has made mistakes in her life and she deals with them by continually striving to be better and to improve the lives of others. She is constantly aware of those around her and she would never force her husband to rub her shoulders incessantly because she feels crappy. In fact, you’d never even know she felt bad to begin with.

As much as I want to be a more positive person who makes less mistakes in my life and relationships, I know I’ll never be like Bernie. I can only be me, so I hope that I’ve learned enough to keep me from making too many more bad decisions, and that when I do screw up I can run fast enough to get away from their pull. Negativity seems to breed more of the same. If I cannot completely avoid my bad behavior or make it not exist, maybe I can put enough distance between that girl and the one I’d like to be. I’m still going to make mistakes, but I’m also going to take the time to notice the good examples in my life while I’m running past.