So you’re pissed off, I get it. You don’t have to be an asshole . . . or maybe you do. Is there actually a way to have healthily expressed anger? Don’t get me wrong, I think anger itself is healthy to a degree, but it’s impossible to express it in a way that doesn’t piss someone else off or offend them. The very nature of anger includes loss of control and to some degree, rational behavior. You can get mad without losing it, but in my mind true anger is not complete without some sort of outburst.
I’m not naming names or judging, but it’s probably you. You are a bitch, or a dick, or an asshole and while I may not like it, you’re pissed off so you have a right. We hear all the time that we’re supposed to control our anger, but what if we did ALL THE TIME? We’d be a bunch of raving lunatics with neurotic tics and odd behaviors. I have given this deep contemplation over the past five minutes and this is clearly the only possible outcome. I mean seriously, can you suppress your anger forever? To do so would leave every one of us incapable of normal interactions because we’d have so much pent up tension and hostility. Admit it, slamming a door feels good. Telling someone to fuck off gives you an adrenaline rush and don’t even get me started on the sheer giddiness that can momentarily overwhelm you when you break something.
As adults we do learn to manage our anger to a degree and this is what I believe to be a healthy response. I don’t break things anymore, or randomly go off on someone and despite a few fantasies to the contrary, I’ve never actually hit anyone. I do slam doors, however, and use my biting sarcasm to level an opponent and on occasion I’ll sink to name calling. The important distinction is that I get it out and while it’s true I might be an asshole for the moment, I am able to purge those destructive feelings, ask for forgiveness and move forward. I don’t stay an asshole forever. I also don’t believe that someone else’s momentary temper tantrum is an excuse to react poorly.
Just because I might be angry does not mean that you shouldn’t attempt to control your temper. Anger is generally sudden, not something we plan so I can forgive the asshole that’s just tired of talking about the minute details of buying a new car and suddenly snaps . . . not that I know anyone that fits that situational description. Er, anyway, someone snaps and takes it out on you and you can either recognize they are just angry and cut them some slack or jump down their throat. You have a choice to make and while you can’t always prevent a sudden attack of asshole, we can recognize the warning signs of another’s behavior and not play into it.
Okay, a few yoga 'proverbs' come to mind. First, anger poisons the vessel that holds it. And no one can make you feel anything. You are responsible for your emotions.
ReplyDeleteSo let's play with that a little. One option would be to think of anger as a 'hot potato'...so do whatever you can to get rid of it, even if that means dumping it on someone else. This is probably not karm-ickly responsible, but it's an option many people take.
But if you are the one getting dumped on, remember that your emotions are a product of your own perceptions. You can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react. So basic karma-for-dummies philosophy would invoke the phrase 'I'm like rubber, you're like glue, whatever you say and do bounces off me and sticks to you'. Hmmm. Maybe we really did learn everything we need to know in kindergarden.