We don’t have to love anyone. No one owes you unconditional love. You don’t belong to anyone. We are all free and the choices we make reflect back on us as individuals, not on who we are as a couple. I was thinking tonight, when I realized my makeup was sliding off my face and my hair was wild, that it was okay, Jeff had to love me. Then I realized the truth, no he doesn’t. We make a choice to love and while we all hope that should we suffer a debilitating illness, gain or lose weight due to pregnancy or sickness, or just have a random ugly day our partner will not desert us, the fact of the matter is that we have no guarantees.
I recognize that I am a fairly shallow person when it comes to certain things and while I definitely have my ugly, fat, and bad hair days, overall I try to keep myself in good shape and reasonably pulled together. The husband does the same and we excuse each other’s small flaws because of our love. Still, it is not uncommon to see couples in which one partner has changed in a fairly dramatic way either due to weight gain, sloppy dress, deteriorating personal hygiene or some other superficial way. It is those people that enter into a committed relationship and at some point think to themselves, “now I can stop trying so hard,” They’re missing the point. We shouldn’t be so obsessively concerned with catching a mate that we convince ourselves the only reason to take care of ourselves or to try to look nice is to garner the attention of a possible suitor.
Our life is OURS and taking care of oneself should be a gift we give to our own self-esteem. This is not to say that we all need to be 120 pounds and ornately made-up, if you lean to the heavy side so what, dress well, do your hair, put on some make-up. If you are skinny that doesn’t mean you should stop all other efforts shy of deodorant. No one owes us love and it’s not about “catching” a mate. We look nice because we are a social society and that is our norm, not because we’re trying to win some prize in life. There are, of course the exceptions. There are some couples that both decide it’s okay to let it all hang out and to them I tip my hat, then there are others who both continue to work on themselves simply because that’s who they are, again perfectly fine. It’s the couples that have opposite goals in mind that rock the boat.
You cannot have one partner cramming twinkies so they have an excuse to wear their XXXL sweat pants, foregoing most grooming maintenance and avoiding mirrors or fashion of any kind paired up with someone who believes you need to keep yourself together as a personal objective. Those couples do not work, ever, ever, EVER. Loving yourself means you want to be good to yourself, you want to look nice. I have friends and family of all sizes, sexual preferences and races and I always admire that be they thick or thin they care about their appearance. Some female friends/relatives choose not to wear make-up, but they still dress nicely and practice good grooming. It’s not rocket science and it’s not a game to see who can win a partner and then stop trying.
I’m ranting in a rather long-winded fashion over a simple truth. No one owes you love, that is a gift. As much as we don’t want someone to stop loving us because we aren’t looking or feeling our best, we also don’t want that someone to give up on themselves. We all deserve a partner who cares enough to try. Loving someone does not mean we belong to one another, we’re always choosing it and hoping they continue to choose it as well. Prettying up the package never hurts and usually will make you feel better about who you are in the process. So if you find yourself feeling down and out, put on a brighter color lip gloss, shave, wash your hair or buy new shoes. It’s not about making an effort for someone else, the point is to know you deserve it for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment