Day 274: Could My Business be Your Business?

So I’m sitting at the bar of a restaurant with the husband and he points out that the couple next to us have their two small children on their laps AT THE BAR. This is slightly annoying to us both as we purposely sit in the bar to get away from the noise and chaos of dining families. Even so, I shrug and start to turn away, until I notice the two martinis the bartender has just put down in front of them both. I can’t believe they are drinking martinis and then driving their kids home I comment and the husband points out that it’s really none of our business. I guess, but I don’t know, isn’t it? So many of the things we all claim to be our personal business actually affect or have the potential to affect the lives of others. Just because we are not directly involved does that mean we do not have a right to an opinion or even to step in, if we feel the situation warrants it?

Bartenders have the right, and in fact the obligation, to refuse to overserve an intoxicated patron. In a way, could you not claim it’s none of his or her business? A parent smoking a cigarette in the presence of his or her child or sitting in the smoking section with their minor children is their affair, right? When I waited tables years ago I saw a lot of parents set the carriers of their sleeping infants, on top of the table and then proceed to blow smoke across the top of them. I never said anything because I needed my job, but I felt like I had the right. They aren’t my kids, but someone needs to advocate for them. In 50 years when those kids are suffering from second-hand related illnesses and our tax dollars are helping to pay their medical bills, you might feel it’s your business.

Pet owners who do not spay or neuter and then indiscriminately let those animals outside to potentially breed are doing us all a disservice. Yes, those are their pets, but we’re all saddled with the ever-expanding unwanted pet population. So yeah, it’s my damn business. The pregnant woman that drinks has the right to do what she chooses. While many people might believe it is never okay, current research suggests that restrained consumption of beer or wine is not particularly harmful. Does this mean breeders should be knocking back martinis or grain alcohol, probably not, but can you be sure what they are drinking or how much? When do we have the right to an opinion?

I’m not suggesting any specific right or wrong answer to these scenarios, but it is notable that we’re constantly being confronted with things we might feel are wrong, but conflicted because they are none of our business. Maybe we need to redefine what makes something our business. We’re not an isolated society anymore, or a small village nation. We are enmeshed in this big, complicated world and maybe it’s okay that preggers has a glass of wine without your judgment. Maybe your friend with the cat they won’t neuter then let outside to roam should not be a pet owner. Maybe you can just say no this one time to knocking one back with your spouse if one of you needs to drive the bambinos home.

You want to smoke? Knock yourself out, but do it someplace private and not around others who cannot choose for themselves to leave the room. Our decisions do impact others just as our judgment does. There are not many clear answers, because we rarely have all the facts. Maybe those martinis I saw those two parents drinking were virgins, put into fancy glasses, maybe the pregnant woman I thought was just having a small glass of wine, was draining the bottle, maybe we should all keep our mouths shut and our opinions to ourselves. Still, I keep thinking about that bar patron who doesn’t get cut off by the concerned bartender, then drives home and on the way kills a family when he hits them head on. Yes, I’m opinionated, but opinions aren’t always bad things and sometimes “your” business affects more than you.