I think I’m right a lot and to be honest I really like that feeling. There is a small part of me I try not to recognize that realizes I am very often, if not more often, actually in the wrong. The best thing about opinions on complex issues, however, is that there is not factual right or wrong. It means there is room for all of us, even the “us” we love to hate. I have a friend from high school that Facebook reconnected me with and she is about as close to a 180 from me as possible. It would be so easy to write her off and stay insulated in my little bubble of rightness, but I like her and as much as I disagree, I like that she has opinions (even if they’re wrong – kidding).
To be honest, the reason I probably did not write her off is the fact that she accepted me despite knowing that I do not believe in what is probably her most treasured belief: her faith in God. She knows I am an atheist and it doesn’t scare her or make her think I’m a bad person or even cause her to try to “save” me. She just disagrees and maintains her faith without apology for it or a judgment toward me. I think in some ways Facebook is helpful in these situations because it lets us get to know one another in snippets. If this friend and I met in real life after all these years, we might never have bonded. I likely would have labeled her a Jesus freak and she’d probably assume I was hateful and close-minded toward anyone who holds her beliefs.
I believe we have a responsibility to one another to accept, if not agree. True, I’m never going to fully respect those people who mostly live in the middle and are neither educated, nor open to learning, but those are people I merely accept as fellow humans not people I want to get to know. My big thing in life is simply to have an opinion and to back it up with a little research that isn’t completely biased to your way of thinking. I admit I sometimes spout off instinctively, but I’m willing to acknowledge once my momentum slows. I dislike people who refuse to take a side as much as those who only give time to their side. If you listen to and form your opinions solely from your Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore outlet, you’re an ass. Have an opinion, but make an effort to see the other side fairly and then craft an argument to dispute their points and support your own.
My friend and I will never see eye to eye on most things, but I have no doubt that should we ever actually be together again in person we will have a great time. I disagree with almost every opinion she has on political issues, but that’s okay too. Where we go wrong is to confuse opinion with character. My whole family is religious and they haven’t disowned me yet – though I don’t exactly wear a “God doesn’t exist – rational thought does” t-shirt when I’m around them. Still, most people in my life accept that I am opinionated and not all of them think like me (though I sometimes would prefer if they did). Sometimes opinions run so deep that issue based discussions can ruin a friendship. So maybe the answer is to sometimes just accept the person and love them for who they are, not what they think.
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ReplyDeleteRight on sister. I agree with you completely, we're not all actual friends and when someone's belief system or the confrontations surrounding them become unhealthy or cause undue stress maybe it is time to cut them loose. It happened to me by someone I knew for two decades so I see both sides. I'm just always happy when I meet people with whom I can have disagreements and intellectual discussions without it affecting our personal relationship. It feels like growth to me and I like that.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes, people just aren't friends. My expectation of friendships includes discussions where both people enter in hoping to learn something, not just tell something. I don't want or need to be friends with someone who mistakes their own opinion for Truth, Justice and the American way. Having someone accept your friend request on FB does not mean that person accepts you. I do believe in the inherent goodness of people, and when two people spend an evening hurling negative energy at each other, it's ok to cut your losses and move away. If my FB posts continually offend someone (like only idiots try sleep techniques w/ their kids...why not just save time and beat them?), I would recommend to that person to either "hide" or "unfriend" me, as I don't wish to create more negative energy in the world. And I'll do the same.
ReplyDeleteWell Colleen- I have read and reread your comment. I just want to clear up a few things. First off, I appologize for offending you. My intent has never been to offend.
ReplyDeleteI love my kids more than life itself and would never beat them- spanking is a topic that people have very strong beliefs about both ways. This would be a long discussion in itself. I posted my comment because I was sick and tired of how, we, as a society are "babying" our kids - another discussion in itself too. I do believe what I say- that does NOT mean others aren't entitled to their opinions too. I do have plenty of friends with different views than I do. The problem with discussing these hot topics with friends happens when we start taking things said as personal attacks. That is the character thing Ame talked about I think. So yes you can defriend me and that is fine but the comments you have said go further than that. I see us as enemies by the things you have said. The problem is- I am not the person you convey by your words. I was just going to ignore this comment you made but I can't stand that someone has me soo wrong. So I want to hate you because of how you have portrayed me but I really can't do that if I look further than the words. I don't know you well enough to hate you. Honestly, I don't hate anyone. I may hate what they said or did but not the actual person because then I am judging them and I haven't walked in their shoes so I really can't judge them. I'm not into the positive and negative energy thing like you are- more into the good and evil but that is ok with me that we are different in that aspect. I respect the fact that you have the right to not be my friend. I just wanted you to know that I am not the mean and rude person you think I am. I just had to get that off my chest. And I do wish the best for you.