I had my entire blog written for today and was ready to hit send when I was distracted. There was a part of me that was hesitant to publish it because it dealt with the husband and an issue he’s slightly sensitive about. I was still going to use it, but I did feel a little guilty about it. Then he came home. Within ten minutes of him walking in the door and five work emails on his Blackberry, we were involved in what I would describe as a gently simmering discussion about his obsessive need to constantly work. So I’ve decided to forego the blog I thought might upset him and piss him off with this one instead. It’s hell being married to a blogger.
It is not lost on me that I truly have no idea what this man does in his job. I know there’s the war, jumping out of planes, lots of planning, strategy and meetings, but the intricacies of his days are lost on me. Truth be told, I don’t care. It’s his job and I care as much about it as any spouse cares about their partner’s job. You’ll listen, but you don’t want a blow by blow of ever meeting. This would not ordinarily cause a problem, except that he’s never off duty. In the military you are either active duty or inactive duty and when something is happening you get calls and emails all night and all weekend. I get that.
Jeff is lucky and talented enough to be near the top of the food chain in his brigade and that means he doesn’t have to go bail guys out of jail or spend all night in the woods guarding some stockpile of ammo that someone else mistakenly thought they needed. He does get all the emails though and he never lets anything wait. It is nonstop and while yes, I get that it is an important job and as the leader he cannot ignore things, I also think I understand when micromanaging is happening. Okay, that’s unfair, he actually delegates very well, but when there is a storm in Ft. Bragg at 10:30 at night and he is in Charlotte, NC I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything he can do to help the guys who might need to come in from the field training to avoid a tornado.
I made the silly little mistake of telling him he’s on a power trip and things didn’t go so well from that point. I just want to spend some time with the husband without the Blackberry coming between us. If they need him, they will call – trust me, they are not shy about interrupting a night or weekend when necessary. Is it so wrong to want to spend a few minutes with my partner when we’re apart all week? This is a three-day weekend for him, so as luck would have it, we have an extra day to discuss the Blackberry and my incessant need to make our every disagreement public. (I’m not kidding myself, I know where this blog is going to lead.)
No matter what discussions we have, I am lucky to be with someone who does not like to yell or fight. We do very little of that and usually only when excessively drunk. What does happen fairly often however, is that I say what I’m thinking and he doesn’t like it. I suppose I need to learn to finesse my comments a bit, but I really do feel like he runs on the feeling of being needed that the Army gives him. Ah, hell, I just did it again. Sadly, my delete and backspace keys are not working, so I’ll have to leave that little parting shot in, he’ll get me back anyway. I know when my mouth has gotten me into a multiple day hot water situation. Tomorrow I will stroke that Army built ego and admit he’s right and that will solve everything – fuck, I did it again. What can I say, I’m a pot stirrer.
my husband isn't in the military, but he too has a VIFJ. Often, it is actually more important than me and the kids. He's never admit that, but actions yell louder than words. but his VIFJ is inherently part of who he is...right or wrong. And I love who he is...except in those moments that I hate him. Some times I tell him, but sometimes my actions, too, yell very loud. People, confidence, egos, priorities, relationships and responsibilities are all bonded in shifting layers of colored sand.
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