Sooo, just re-read my blog from yesterday and came to a pretty obvious conclusion: drinking and blogging do not mix. I still got my daily post up, but maybe I should have done it earlier in the day before I partnered up with a few cocktails. It's funny how it's not just our judgment that can be compromised when under the influence, but even our wants and needs. Which brings me to today's blog, when your inhibitions are lowered is your behavior altered due to a chemical influence or are you simply revealing your true self?
Alcohol can affect your desire for small things. Beer makes me less hungry because it fills me up and makes me feel bloated. Wine makes me want fruit, cheese and bread. Mojitos and margaritas make me want to be on vacation . . . you get the point. It can also convince you that you are happy or sad, that fighting with your husband is a good idea, or that driving past an old flame's house is necessary. We all do crazy things when we are under the influence, the important thing is to find a balance between doing truly stupid things and just eating the entire box of Cocoa Pebbles. Yes, it can affect these things, but it certainly didn't create my love of all things cereal.
I have never suddenly developed a new ability while drinking, though the ones I already have might be compromised. I drove drunk once, years ago and ended up in a ditch. Luckily I didn't hurt myself or anyone else, but that was the last time I ever made that mistake. I've woken up a few strange places, most recently my closet, but those episodes were mostly when I was younger. I have lost shoes, coats, glasses, and who knows what else from being careless after drinking, but so far I've never lost anything important. I came close a couple times to ending relationships due to my quick temper and penchant for belligerence, but luckily, or unluckily depending on your perspective, I'm not very good at drinking and do not drink all that often, despite my jokes to the contrary. Point is, I knew how to drive before I drank and I lose shit all the time.
These days alcohol is looked upon as an excuse or a weakness. People are fond of waving away their own poor judgment because they were not in complete control of their faculties and believe their behavior was less choice and more accident. Once out of your twenties people view drinking as more than a college-aged indulgence and see it instead as a dirty little secret. I said all this before in my first blog. Yes, I like wine, I like tequila, I have drank vodka, and I would make love to whiskey on a daily basis if I weren't such an inherent lightweight. Is this worse than being addicted to coffee or cigarettes? Am I stumbling down a dark path because wine at dinner makes me happy? I do not drink at home unless I am cooking and feel like a little wine, but it's usually just a glass or two.
When on the town in a social capacity, I am more likely to have a couple of drinks and this is when the judgement slips. The husband will tell you I flirt too much, the friend will tell you I stop listening, the bartender might tell you I pick fights. All true, all decisions made from a place of impaired, but not necessarily unfamiliar judgment. I flirt, interrupt and yell at strangers routinely. Drinking doesn't change this, but suddenly people around me think the the drinks I've had put me over the top. We all do this. Most of us drink socially and yet most of us are also quick to judge when someone else says or does something that to us would be out of character. They must be drunk, we think, but what if they are not? What if this is just who they are?
Our lowered inhibitions do not necessarily mean we are going to choose to do things we otherwise would not want to do. We are certainly more stupid and our reflexes are slower, but last night's little episode of being appalled at the behavior of a police officer still pisses me off today when I'm totally sober. I just might write more intelligently about it now. The things that anger us do not change, but our reaction might. I tend not be a yeller when I fight and I am certainly not violent, but get a few drinks in me then piss me off and it might be a different story. Why then, do we seem to behave so differently when we are drinking if underneath all the proper social behavior that is who we really are?
Repressing our baser instincts is a contributing factor to what sets us apart from children, teenagers, or other animals. Impulse control is a sign of maturity so we may not be very different underneath it all, we're just better at recognizing the consequences when we're sober. I still love Cocoa Pebbles, but an entire box is going to put me well over my needed caloric intake for the entire day. I am fond of saying I've never done anything drunk that I would not do sober. This is no longer true, these days what I say is that I've never WANTED to do anything drunk that I didn't want to do sober. The desires have not changed, just my realization that pursuing that course action is not the smartest non-choice I could make.
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