It is a thinly veiled secret that people talk to themselves. Usually, this is done at home or when one is alone and typically consists of a few random, mumbled words or possibly an entire sentence. That’s not to say that you won’t catch a distracted shopper talking to themselves in the grocery as they hunt down the organic, whole wheat, chocolate filled cereal on special at the Trader Joe’s (which by the way is totally worth the hunt). Talking to oneself is not that unusual. Unless, of course, you’re me. I take the talking to yourself habit to an entirely new level of crazy. The best part is that I don’t even consider it talking to myself, I’m just discussing with the other voices.
This is a habit I don’t really remember starting, but it’s been with me at least for a couple of decades. What I do isn’t so much a mumbling or thinking out loud, though certainly I think out loud all the time. In fact, I have been guilty on more than one occasion of saying something out loud without realizing it. This never happens say, in a positive, “well, my goodness your delightful baked goods are wonderful” way, oh no, when I think out loud it’s always more of a “holy hell could you walk any friggin’ slower” sort of way when trudging behind a complete stranger. I warn people all the time that if something pops into my head, chances are, it’s going to pop right out of my mouth.
Anyway, I digress, I don’t just talk out loud, I have entire discussions complete with answers and varying opinions. Now remember, the varying opinions are actually all still just me, and yet I will listen to each one as they volley back and forth, working to persuade me to their way of thinking. And there I go again. Now, they aren’t just voices, they are capable of thinking separate thoughts. Before you ask, I will go ahead and tell you, that no, I do not use different voices when talking aloud to myself. My reference to the “voices” is a generic term for the other sides of my personality, all of who feel it somewhat necessary to express themselves when considering any given topic.
Because it is nearly impossible to reconcile and quiet all the thoughts coming at me from within my overpopulated brain, I sometimes try explaining to people why it’s not always easy to remain quiet or keep my opinions to myself. It is no longer just one opinion or one thought process I must quiet, it is an entire Seinfeld episode of slightly askew personas that I am trying to keep at bay. A perfect example, and one that several people have witnessed about different topics, is when asked a simple preference. For instance, should you ask what my favorite food is, the answer will go something like this: “mashed potatoes . . . donuts . . .popcorn, hot fudgepeanutbutterpizza . . . mushrooms! They all start to chime in, faster and faster. The husband witnesses this one a lot and has learned to elongate his pauses to allow for all of me to sufficiently answer.
Aside from the overwhelming commentary of the voices, I have discussions with them. As I walk around my condo, I speak out loud freely and then answer, and then sometimes contradict. It wasn’t until one day when I actually referred to myself in the third person while talking to myself, that I realized I might have a problem. Possibly all my years of living alone or talking to my cats has encouraged this behavior, but whatever the initial cause, it is now SOAP or standard operating Ame procedure. Something else I noticed happening was that my once very attentive and listening husband stopped listening. Turns out, he just go so tired trying to answer when he heard me talking, only to find out that I wasn’t talking to him (despite no one else being home) that he just kind of tuned it and all of me, out.
I’m sure that one day I will find myself as the crazy cat lady we all hear stories about from time to time, living alone with 14 cats and talking to them day and night. I guess that’s slightly better than straight up talking to myself, then again, can you really blame me? I mean, some days the dialogue I have with myself is the most intelligent conversation I get all day. I live in the South, the husband is in Iraq, I have sporadic and unreliable friendships, and two super needy cats. A girl needs to talk to someone on a regular basis, and some of those voices are pretty damn entertaining.
No comments:
Post a Comment