In this surreal evening. I got to know someone from my past, who I realized I never really knew in the first place. This woman and I have a great many similarities as adults and it was enlightening to discover that while we were not close in our youth, there must have been a reason that we were friendly at all. Perhaps it is possible to sense a kindred spirit regardless of the actual facts of one's life. There were plenty of people in high school I never talked to or became friends with, despite having classes together. So why this girl? If we were so different, then why would we have been friends at all, let alone reconnect after so many years to discover a similar soul in each other?
My other friend was one of my closest my senior year of school and despite a few years of more casual friendship, we have grown closer and built a stronger bond through the years. She and I are more similar in many ways and yet have come out as very different people. I guess I will never know if we would be friends today if we just met, perhaps not, but again I think there is a certain connection that you make with people and that exists on a level outside of how much time you spend, or how you vote, or the type of life you lead. Our differences have gotten in the way a bit, but our love and mutual respect bring us back together.
Facebook, through criticized and ridiculed by many, has actually given me many new friends as well as brought some old ones back into my life. I don't know if it is simply safer to connect in a virtual environment rather than spending real time together or if it is just easier, but it's working for me. I am getting to know people again and for the first time. I am remembering people from my past and re-examining people in my present. For too many years my own insecurities led me to cut off friendships or shy away from new ones, but these days I am starting to learn to invest both time and effort to peel away the layers and see who someone really is. Many of my Facebook friends I have come to find out are devout Christians. In school, this really didn't matter and no one talked about it. As adults closely held beliefs are shared with others and while I may not share those philosophies I get to appreciate them for their other gifts.
I'm not sure if I want to start regurgitating all the old relationships in my past. Some of them are clearly in the past for a reason, but at the same time, they represent a part of who I am today. Stories and memories, laughs and fights, youth and age -- my life is not simple, because I am not simple, but friendships might just be more simple than I thought. I don't need you to believe in my causes or to spend every day of the last 18 with you, what I need is a mutual spark that generates a real and caring interest in another human being. Each of us leads a life full of individual experiences and even when life events are similar, our reactions to them may not be. So what's more important, being friends with those who are just like us or keeping friends who don't mind sharing opinions and differences. When I was younger, it might have been the former, but a little life experience and wisdom have taught me to look deeper and to trust my instincts more than someone's bio.
I love your blog, if only (but not) because it stirs my juice and insists an a response. Having seen each other in person, outside of our FB connection--which is real!--I have a deeper level of trust that one ignorant post won't get me unfriended and banished into cyberspace. And if it does, I'd be more comfortable hunting you down.
ReplyDeleteI must disagree. I didn't know you in high school. I know what you looked like, and your SOPP (standard op public persona) and you knew mine. I will only speak for myself here, but I imagine you will relate. I was too self-absorbed and too insecure to really know anyone or to let anyone see the real me. And even in that SOPP, there were still soul connections. Sparks of recognition where, despite our immaturity, we could see a part of ourselves reflected in someone else.
Even as we evolve through our life journey, there is a part of us that never changes, IT simply always was and always will be. So do you know me? Yes, you always have. Could you accurately predict all of my responses to external stimuli--no, but neither can I. I voted for GB the first time, (and I have actually gone to confession for that--the Catholic Church has an awesome sin remover program...)and I would have participated in a civil revolution by the second election. Though I must tip my hat to your impressive score on "how well do you know...mommyville", those are aspects of my personality, some chosen, some reflexive, some cultural and some I just can't place. But as my yoga and other spiritual contemplations have taught me, we are mind, body and spirit. You knew my body in HS. (well, not all of it as I skipped that particular stage of experimentation, darn it...). You've met my mind, then and now, and we could discuss for hours the evolution of that enigma. But spirits are simple. Maybe you glimpsed it then, and that kindred thread never broke which is why we picked up farther along than we left off. Or maybe you can see my spirit through my written expression. But you see my spirit now, and I see yours. It's only our obnoxious personalities that will ever cause pain, distrust, unease or judgement. If we choose to always see pass that stuff, then even if FB goes away b/c they are not profitable--I'm e-mailing them a business plan today as it's their advertisments that are their problem--and we don't speak for another 15 years (let's just round down there...), "if you called me in the middle of the night, I'd be right by your side". (Bon Jovi, Blood on Blood, New Jersey, 1990.)