So say you’re at a bar. What to drink, you wonder. Well, you could have the usual or you could try one of the drink specials. How about a “Red Headed Slut” or a “Purple Hooter,” then again, there’s always the old standby “Sex on the beach” or “blowjob.” Are you starting to see the trend here? What is it that makes bars or beermakers decide that inappropriately sexual names will sell far more than good taste alone? Do they really expect me to order a Red Headed Slut simply because of the name? If so, I’ve got to tell you, that I totally will. That’s it, they’ve got me. I don’t know who names these things or why, but I do know that curiosity wins out for me every time. What does it taste like you wonder? Well, the Red Headed thing is just a beer, so I’m guessing it tastes somewhat like a beer. To be sure, however, I would clearly need some empirical data and that is going to take us to a whole different level.
I know sex sells. You’d have to be a moron to not understand this simple fact of today’s marketing strategies. Even so, there is a part of me that thinks that somewhere along the line, we may have gotten a bit carried away. Names are more and more shocking, ads are ever more gratuitous, so why do we keep falling for them. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that even if you aren’t into chicks or haven’t had the pleasure of a “ginger” that you at least realize a beer and a girl are probably going to possess vastly different . . . um, flavors.
So why do we do it? What makes us so susceptible to the juvenile novelty of a sexy name, that we’ll abandon what we know we like to try the unknown? Drinks cost money and as an unemployed wanna be alcoholic, I don’t have the cash to throw away on every slut, hooter and blow job that comes my way. That’s not to say that if you’re buying I am unwilling to try the “long duck dong,” but I may not be so willing to go out on that . . . limb, if I’m buying. My biggest problem with this oversexed trend is just that it speaks to the stupidity of the masses. We’re drunk, we’re horny, we’re at a bar, oh wouldn’t it be funny to drink an inappropriately named cocktail. My response, is that if you get a life, get some game, and sober up, you might be lucky enough to get the real thing rather than just the drink form. People kill me and no I’m not doing a body shot off that hot blonde over there.
Are we all so weak-minded that this works? Do we actually enjoy it? Or do we go along with it, because drinking is a social sport (and yes, I called it a “sport”) Women still drink these things and I’m pretty positive that only happens in mixed company. When was the last time you saw a chick order a “buttery nipple” or “bend me over” when she wasn’t in a bar or around guys. I’ve always wanted to open a bar. Maybe when that happens I’ll have an entire drink menu with innovatively named cocktails such as the: “I have a strap-on and I know how to use it,” the “your dick is the size of a peanut,” or possibly the “go blow yourself.” I wonder if they will have as much success as the “screaming orgasm” and the “strawberry stripper”? Then again, I don’t much care. It’s all about the curiosity factor apparently. I should make a killing and then I’ll create a drink named the “you’re stupid and I’m a rich bitch.” Mark your calendars, it’s coming to a local bar near you.
No comments:
Post a Comment