Every once in a while I am forced to acknowledge that my belief system interferes with my life in negative or disappointing way. On a recent trip to Savannah, Georgia such a paradox occurred and it has me wondering if the pursuit of life’s pleasures trumps ideology. I make no secret of the fact that my once firmly held spirituality and belief in a God has evaporated in adulthood. I believe in science and nature, but not souls and heavenly beings. It’s a life change that I take very seriously, but never in such a way that I judge those who believe differently. My big problem with my own beliefs, however, is that now how can I believe in reincarnation, ghosts or mysticism?
In Savannah, we went on a haunted tour of the city that toured a local inn, a historic graveyard and a mansion featured in the television series “Ghosthunters.” It seemed like a fun excursion and since I have a long history of enjoying stories about spirits and reincarnation I didn’t hesitate. We were on the tour less than five minutes when I realized my mistake: atheists cannot believe in ghosts because we do not believe in souls. This was kind of a bummer. The stories were all long shots anyway and most had fairly obvious alternative answers, but my sudden realization had a much bigger implication on my life and I’m both surprised and embarrassed that I did not comprehend it earlier.
Much of my younger life I spent fighting against traditional religion. My Catholic roots did nothing but ostracize me from organized religion, so I sought alternative belief systems. A neighbor got me into meditation and spirituality and it was through her that I began my fascination with reincarnation and positive spiritual forces. Rather than being scared of ghosts or spirits, I hoped for an experience with them one day and I read books by such authors as Ruth Montgomery and Edgar Cayce voraciously. I began to lose sight of my spirituality in the last few years and eventually, I stopped believing in a God altogether, but I never gave much thought to the other things I was giving up along with my spiritual beliefs.
It wasn’t until a cheesy and overpriced ghost tour in Georgia that I realized how truly alone one is without religious beliefs of some kind. Not having a God is something I’ve accepted, as is the idea that death precedes only nothingness and not a second life of souls and eternity. I got all that and was okay with it, but I didn’t think about how I was also cutting myself off from interesting and fun to fascinate about possibilities like reincarnation. I want to think of myself as the culmination of countless other life experiences. I love the stories of children who know how to play an instrument, speak a different language, and find their way to foreign places without any instruction or research. Those kids used to be proof of a past life’s influence, but now they are just examples of the brain’s mysterious capabilities.
I am not going to rethink my beliefs because of a tourist attraction any more than a deeply religious person would renounce God because of a scientific argument. What I am going to do is to rethink the excuses I once created for myself. I can no longer attribute certain characteristics to experiences of lives past. There will be no visitations by ghosts. The séance from when I was 10 did not prove the existence of spirits and no one is an “old soul.” We are simply the product of our life experiences and the care we received growing up. I lost something on that tour I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was still clinging to and though my beliefs have not changed, it still makes me just a little bit sad to finally have to let go completely.
Some religious people argue with scientific information because they are unable to allow things that don't support their beliefs into their 'Things-I-Know' box. Information that appears to conflict with their dogma is a threat to their eternal plans. Such people will manipulate, mangle and deconstruct any offending possibilites until they are proven right if only through sheer exhaustion and confusion of their 'opponent'. A secular example of this would be a statistician or actuary who is able to create numbers to support any argument to stay on the right side of the dollar sign or the voting booth. These sorts of thinkers prefer company with like-minded individuals as there is safety in numbers and pleasure in being told 'you're right!' They enjoy deferring to group ideals as this excuses them from having to make individual moral decisions of their own. Somewhere, in a book, a conversation or a leader, the right answer exists.
ReplyDeleteThis assuming that the right answer is not already present inside of them.
Authentic people have learned to let go of the fear of the unknown. They are willing to forgo understanding for the sheer joy of beauty. They invite both sides of every argument to tea, and delight in each point of view, seeing the Absolute Truth in both. They don't use words or maps to explain who they are or where they are going, and they reserve the right to change course at any moment without ever feeling they were originally pointed in the wrong direction. They have no expectations of tomorrow...hopes and dreams sure, but they always know they are right where they are supposed to be. Each breath is unique, and need not be defined through the past or the future.
Give up the need to make sense of it all for Lent (a juxtaposition?). Go to mass and enjoy the smells, the chants and the humanity. Watch 'Ghost Hunters' and believe every word. Spend some time with a child and visit their imaginary world. Look at a roach and ask, "dude, who did you piss off in your last life???" Assume that when a black crow crosses your path, it is an omen. Notice that pain in your body and understand that it is a sign of a problem. And when you think your cat just laughed at you, know with certainty that is exactly what happened.