Valentine’s Day is a completely fake, man-made, 100% commercialized holiday. There are no known rituals for this “holiday” aside from the requisite consumerism. We buy cards, gifts, flowers, dinner or whatever else we think our beloved might enjoy. Today is a day for love and lovers and yet we seem more concerned with shopping to please people than to actually express love. In case this last statement confuses you, I’ll spell it out: pleasing those we love should not necessitate a purchase. This year there were no flowers or cards, no fancy dinners or candlelight and it’s a change that brings me comfort. Maybe not buying tokens of affection is the one certain sign that real love is what I’ve finally found.
Why do we do it anyway? Why buy flowers or candy or go to dinner on a night we know will be one of the busiest? Are we so insecure with our relationships that if those flowers do not materialize it must mean our partner doesn’t care? Can roses and chocolates take the place of heartfelt sentiment? Maybe some days all we really need is a simple sign that we are appreciated and that we are seen and loved by the ones we love the most. In that case, then yes, I believe even the most stereotyped or prepackaged of messages can do the trick. When you have the entire year to plan, maybe a card just doesn’t cut it. Be original.
My year has been a tumultuous one. Jeff was deployed and much of that time we were facing the first real issues in our marriage. Serious relationship concerns are never easy, but try dealing with them from around the world and when one of you is at war and the other is drunk. We all have problems or subjects of contention with the one we love; Jeff and I are no different. What I find most reassuring about this Valentine’s Day, just shy of three months reunited after Jeff’s return to the states, is that we’ve done absolutely nothing to celebrate. We don’t need to. Being together after so long apart and facing the first real chink in our marital armor made this one a big deal, and we showed it by not doing a damn thing.
Today was normal, real and wonderful in its honesty and simplicity. He loves me, I love him and we are devoted to our love and one another. This year I didn’t need flowers, I needed time together in a completely normal way. There will be other dinners, expectations of flowers, desperation for chocolate and hopefully more fantastic and heartfelt gifts. I do love a good card, be it homemade or Hallmark, but sometimes what we really, truly need to remind us that we are loved is the comfort that just another day can give us.
True dat!!
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