Day 313: I Carefully Think Through Every Decision . . . After I've Rushed Into Them

The fact that I tend to make rash decisions is well known among those that love me. I am predictable only in the fact that I am unpredictable. I like to go with my gut and that means that sometimes things come up and I leap before I look. In true Ame style, my contradictory nature almost always gets the better of me and I immediately begin to doubt my decision. This is not to say that I actually regret anything, I just need to talk it out and cover all the angles. Unfortunately this usually happens when it is too late and that kinda drives people (a.k.a. the husband) crazy.

We all undoubtedly have our own particular decision-making process. Personally, I like to prepare for the worst and that way I’m never disappointed. So while I am pretty good at the snap decision on important things, I then take time to think about all the potential negatives and I will drag out a discussion point by point elaborating every conceivable disaster scenario.

Unlike many of my rants, which are really more of a monologue and not in need of a true back and forth, when I am rethinking a quick decision I appreciate feedback. The voices in my head just don’t cut it when I need to work through another hasty choice. Clearly this is confusing for those around me. I talk out loud to myself and then I talk out loud to my husband. One would think that discerning when my comments are directed at the husband as opposed to myself would be evident, but clearly that is not the case. Even after six years the husband still cannot always discern when I am looking for actual human dialogue.

It’s my fault. I tend to ramble whatever is in my head out loud and when those ramblings concern a choice already made, it is likely to be confusing. I am just one of those people that need to talk it out and examine every angle of a situation before feeling comfortable. It’s just that I tend to do it post actual decision and not before as most people do. It never actually causes me to change my mind, as I am not one to regret, but it does serve to greatly frustrate and confuse those around me. The husband knows me better than most, but even he isn’t quite sure how to deal with the look after I leap conversations. Being an original does have a price.